Ever felt embarrassed when a little one leaves your home crying because she couldn’t play with the toy that your kid refused to share with her?
Confused about what to do, at that moment you only wished that your kid knew how to share. While there are many reasons why kids don’t share, the major one is that the kids can’t understand the concept of sharing as much as they understand owning things. That is why is is important to teach your child to share at a very young age. The sooner they learn it, the sooner it becomes a habit because kids learn quickly, don’t they?
4 Tips To Teach Your Child To Share
1. Break the ownership myth
Kids feel like they need to own everything that the other kid has. This makes them throw tantrums and be stubborn about having things their way. We can teach them that they can’t own everything they want by not giving in to their wishes of hoarding every toy they ever wanted from the shop or the neighbor’s house. When they learn that they can’t have everything they want, they will naturally be inclined towards sharing things with whoever has it, rather than trying to own it themselves.
Recommended reading: 12 Books To Teach Children About Sharing
2. Talk about it
Acquaint your child with concept of sharing and let them know that it is very normal to share, whether it is their friend’s toy or their stuff. Talk to them, understand their position and let them know how important it is to share to build good friendships and relations.
Also, when you see another child unwilling to share their toys with your child, take the opportunity to help your child understand why their friend is reluctant to share. This will help your child understand the emotions associated with sharing better.
3. Don’t punish them for not sharing
It can be very embarrassing to see your child not sharing a small thing with someone just because it belongs to them. But do not scold them or punish them. Instead help them understand the concept of sharing. Show them examples where you or a family member or a friend shared something.
Most kids don’t want to share because they don’t see it as an act of giving; instead, they perceive it as something being taken away from them. This explains why sharing can be so painful for children. At this stage, punishing your kid for not sharing would only paint an even more negative picture about sharing in their head. Even though they might end up sharing, they might do it only because they fear you and not because it’s the right thing to do. So, instead of punishing them, acknowledge that they don’t want to share and help them understand why sharing is not as painful as they imagine it to be.
Ensure you have this conversation in a positive tone, where you are not yelling but politely explaining to your child. This approach of conversation will help you have your child’s attention and openness to understand the value of sharing.
4. Respect your child’s emotions
Often your child’s toys and stuff mean the whole world to them. Respect that. Respect their emotions.
Many a time, it can happen that your child is unwilling to share not just because the things belong to them but because they feel that their possessions might get damaged or might get lost. In such a situation, do not force them to share. Instead, tell them that they can have the option of asking permission before taking or giving things, and if they don’t feel like sharing, they can express their concern and say ‘no’.
Make sure that your child’s friends and cousins do not misuse their possessions or lose them. Also, encourage your child’s friends and cousins to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’; thus respecting your child’s emotions and possessions.
5. Lead the way
You are your child’s greatest role model and they learn from you. So if you want to encourage them to share, you must do that yourself first. Stop forcing them to share and start practicing sharing in front of them.
Whenever you share something with others, ensure that your child sees it. Let them see how their parents practice sharing (whether work or stuff), how they are sharing and getting the job done and expressing gratitude in the end. Just talk about how the moment of sharing makes you and the other person feel good. Although the child may not completely understand sharing with this, it subtly lays the foundation in their mind that sharing can feel good and is a normal part of life.
Children learn from their parents. Children learn what they see parents doing. Children often carry over from at-home experiences to how they function in out-of-home contexts. So, try to share things, work, food, etc. yourself and set an example for your child to follow.
6. Share with them
Besides setting an example, also try to share things with your child by doing different tasks together; for instance, baking together, eating together, doing homework together, making crafts together, doing household chores together, etc.
While doing this, ensure that you are not dividing work. Instead, you are doing it together, sharing each other’s possessions and expressing gratitude by saying ‘thank you’. Also, have lots of fun and laughter in the process to help your child experience the joy of sharing.
7. Solve a problem
Whenever you see your child is not ready to share their possessions with anyone and if you have already tried teaching them to share but they are not listening to you, then don’t force them. Instead, let them take responsibility now. Tell them to come up with a solution so that both of them can have that thing and no one would be unhappy.
If your child approaches you for some solution related to sharing, don’t turn a deaf ear; rather, listen to them and come up with some creative ideas.
Recommended reading: How To Help Children Stop Comparing Themselves To Others
Recommended reading: Teach Your Child To Be Empathetic: An Age-by-age Guide
Conclusion: Teach Your Child To Share
So, the next time you see your child has a problem with sharing, understand that it’s neither their fault nor yours that they don’t know how to share. Be cognizant of their feelings and try to show them the benefit of sharing by practicing it before them, rather than forcing them to do it. After all, kids learn more from what we do than what we tell them to do. Young children do not completely understand the importance of sharing their stuff. But with the right strategies, guidance and love, you can surely teach them the right thing to do – encourage your child to share.
