Self-control is the mantra of success – Bhagavad Gita
Mrinal is only 6 and yet, his mother is always on her toes as he is always giving into his impulses and causing trouble. Sometimes, a neighbor comes calling that how Mrinal broke their planters, sometimes it is another kid’s mom that how Mrinal beat her kid, and the parent-teacher meetings are the worst. Every month, Mrinal’s parents have to listen to his teachers complaining about his shenanigans and that how he has no control over his impulses. His parents are now taking him to a child psychologist so he can learn to harness his urges.
What is impulsive behavior?
Impulsive behavior or impulsivity is a tendency to act on a whim or display behavior without any forethought or reflection. The story of Mongoose and Snake shows how impulsive the mother was to conclude that the mongoose had killed her baby. That impulsivity brought regrets later, but it taught us one thing – Never To make hasty decisions and think before acting.
However, impulsive kids fail to think before acting and the subsequent consequences can bring feeling of guilt, shame, regret, anxiety, etc. In extreme situations, impulsivity can cause trauma and force a child in teens to abuse substances. So, it is important that children be taught the art of controlling their impulsivity.
What does impulse control mean?
Impulse control refers to the ability to manage and regulate our immediate urges, desires, or impulses, and to make conscious decisions rather than acting on impulse. It involves pausing, reflecting, and considering the potential consequences before taking action. Essentially, it’s the power to resist impulsive behaviors and to exercise self-control.
Having impulse control means being able to resist the temptation to act on immediate gratification, even when it may seem appealing in the moment. It involves thinking ahead, considering the long-term effects, and making choices that align with our values and goals.
Impulse control is an essential skill that plays a significant role in various aspects of our lives. It affects our behavior, decision-making, relationships, and overall well-being. It allows us to manage our emotions effectively, solve problems rationally, and maintain self-discipline.
For example, someone with strong impulse control might resist the urge to make an impulsive purchase, recognizing the importance of saving money for the future. In social situations, they may control their anger and respond calmly instead of reacting impulsively with aggression. In academic or work settings, they can prioritize tasks, avoid distractions, and focus on long-term goals rather than getting sidetracked by immediate gratification.
Importance of teaching impulse control to kids
Impulse control is crucial for children as it plays a significant role in their overall development and well-being. Here are some reasons why it is important for kids to use impulse control.
1. Emotional regulation
Impulse control helps children manage their emotions effectively. It allows them to pause and think before reacting impulsively to emotional triggers. By exercising self-control, kids can respond to challenging situations in a more measured and constructive way, avoiding impulsive outbursts or harmful behaviors.
2. Decision-making skills
Impulse control helps children make better decisions. It enables them to consider the consequences of their actions, weigh different options, and choose the most appropriate course of action. By thinking before acting, children can make choices that align with their long-term goals and values.
3. Academic success
Impulse control is closely linked to academic achievement. It helps children stay focused, resist distractions, and complete tasks in a timely manner. By exercising self-discipline, children can prioritize their academic responsibilities, concentrate on their studies, and achieve better results.
4. Social relationships
Impulse control is crucial for healthy social interactions. It allows children to consider the feelings and perspectives of others before responding impulsively. By practicing self-control, children can develop empathy, show respect, and make thoughtful choices that positively impact their relationships with peers, siblings, and adults.
5. Risk management
Impulse control helps children assess risks and make safe choices. It enables them to think ahead and consider the potential consequences of their actions. By avoiding impulsive and risky behaviors, children can keep themselves safe and make choices that support their well-being.
6. Long-term goal attainment
Impulse control is essential for achieving long-term goals. It helps children delay immediate gratification in favor of working towards bigger aspirations. By resisting impulsive temptations, children can develop persistence, perseverance, and the ability to stay committed to their goals.
7. Self-confidence and self-esteem
Using impulse control allows children to have a sense of mastery over their behaviors and actions. When they can manage their impulses effectively, children feel more confident in their ability to make wise choices and control their responses to various situations. This contributes to their overall self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
By cultivating impulse control, children develop vital life skills that serve them well into adulthood. It empowers them to navigate challenges, make responsible choices, and build positive relationships, setting a strong foundation for their personal and academic success.
How to teach impulse control to kids?
Impulse control is a skill that can be strengthened and improved when you teach impulse control to kids through self-awareness, practice, and implementing effective strategies. Today we bring you a few simple strategies that can help you teach impulse control to your kids.
1. Talk explicitly about self-control
There is no roundabout way when it comes to teaching your kids anything. You cannot go around beating the bush always. It is important as a parent that you are honest with your child. Honesty ensures trust; if your child trusts you, they are likely to listen to you. You have to explicitly tell them to learn self-control.
Explaining to them about impulsive behavior, the consequences, and how important self-control is can help them control their impulses. If you go about “Do not do this or that,” that will not prove to be healthy. Instead of stopping your child from acting in a particular way, you can give them a replacement behavior. For instance, every time your kids feel like throwing something in anger, you can ask them to fake throw a cricket ball to regulate their behavior. Talking about their behavior and then finding a plausible solution acceptable to your children is the best way to teach impulse control to kids.
2. Meditation and yoga
Meditation focuses on the principle of concentrating one’s breathing and comforting one’s mind so no distraction remains. Mindfulness meditation is said to help reduce impulsivity. Similarly, yoga helps a person remain disciplined and the body learns to endure – not to give in to the urges. Meditation and yoga can be used as a long-term technique to help your children rein in their feelings and urges.
A 2012 study confirmed that meditation helps in impulse control. Nauman (2014) also suggests that meditation does not necessarily mean emptying your mind but learning to control our behavior or impulses. However, there are researches that found no correlation between meditation and impulsivity, but no one can deny that your mind is a calm place when you meditate. This can help your child to control their mind and emotions. Surman and Bilkey, in a 2013 study, confirmed that meditating helps increase focus and decrease impulsivity.
3. Breathing and counting
This can give your child some time to second guess their choice and ponder over it a little more. However, breathing and counting up to ten or twenty can be used as a quick short-term technique but cannot always prove to be effective. Though, it buys some time to the children to control their impulses, especially in cases when the child is not able to control his anger and is prone to lash out at others.
4. Anger management
In extreme anger issues, you can teach your child anger management skills to develop a healthy way to deal with emotions. Sublimation – a defense mechanism of Freud’s psychoanalytic theory channels disruptive and unacceptable impulses into socially acceptable behavior can be applied. For this, you can make your kid join sports like boxing, wrestling, karate, etc., so they can work on their anger.
Recommended reading: Anger Management For Kids
5. Make them repeat
Myra is 8 and yet, runs off to do something before her mother is even done talking to her or giving her full instructions. Her mother complains that every time this happens, Myra ends up doing half of what she was instructed to. Once she asked Myra to take out the bedsheets for a wash, and before she could tell her from which room, Myra took off. In the end, Myra’s mother found Myra sitting on a pile of all the bedsheets and had to sort all the mess.
We all have heard the importance of listening to all details – that knowing half of a story never helps. That is also a case when it comes to impulses. When a child impulsively runs off without listening properly, they are supposedly going to make a mess of things. Asking them to not run off and repeat whatever you said ensures that they get all the details. You can start with “Listen to me carefully without running off” and once you are done talking, ask them, “Now repeat what did I ask you to do?”
Conclusion: Teach impulse control to kids
Impulsivity is a part of growing up. Children often show impulsive behavior as they are full of energy and thus, are always restless. It does not help that they have got a very curious mind on their shoulders but if their impulsivity causes disruption in their daily life and causes distress to others, then making them practice the abovementioned techniques will not hurt. If the situation persists and your child shows no improvement, consulting a child psychologist for possible symptoms of ADHD or other disorders will be beneficial.
