Being disrespected by your child can be one of the most frustrating parenting experiences.
You may feel you’ve been doing everything right, but your child still isn’t listening or cooperating. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry – you’re not alone.
Many parents feel disrespected by their children and wonder how to get them to respect them.
But does your child owe you respect?
The answer may surprise you.
In most cases, no – your child does not owe you respect.
That’s because respect is earned, not given. And while it’s important for parents to be respected by their children, it’s also important to remember that respect is a two-way street.
Have you heard of childism?
Childism is the belief that children are inferior to adults and that they should be seen and not heard. It’s an outdated way of thinking that unfortunately still exists in some families today.
If you grew up in a childist household, you may have been taught that respect is something that the child doesn’t naturally get in a house. On the other hand, parents must be respected no matter what.
While the concept might be outdated, we all still have a bit of it inside us. That’s why we might feel like our child owes us respect.
A childist would opt for any of the following when their child disrespects them:
- Yelling
- Screaming
- Hitting
- Threatening
- Name-calling
These methods might get a child to comply in the short term, but they won’t teach them how to resolve conflict or express themselves healthily. In fact, they can actually make things worse.
So, what can you do?
Non-childist way of dealing with disrespect
1. Remember, respect must be earned
Yes, even with your own kid.
If you’ve been disrespectful to your child, it’s going to be hard to earn their respect. The first step is to check your own behavior.
Are you modelling the behavior that you want to see from your child?
Recommended reading: Everything That Is Wrong With “Respecting Elders” Culture
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2. Understand your child is learning
It’s also important to remember that children are still learning how to communicate and deal with emotions. They might not know how to express themselves respectfully yet.
That doesn’t mean that you should accept disrespectful behavior, but it means that you should try to understand where it’s coming from.
3. Talk to your child
When your child is being disrespectful, the best thing you can do is talk to them about it. Let them know that their behavior is not acceptable and explain why.
Tell them that the way they are communicating is making you feel bad and that there are better ways to say the same things.
Try to stay calm and avoid yelling or getting angry. This will only make the situation worse.
4. Listen to your child
It’s also important to listen to your child when they’re being disrespectful. They might have a valid point that you didn’t consider before.
If you’re able to see things from their perspective, you might find a compromise that works for both of you.
5. Set clear expectations
It’s important to set clear expectations for your child’s behavior. If you expect them to treat you with respect, make sure you’re doing the same.
Be consistent with your rules and consequences and make sure your child knows what they are. This will help to prevent future disruptions.
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6. Lead by example
The best way to teach your child how to be respectful is to lead by example. Show them how you treat others with respect and explain why it’s important.
When you’re respectful of your child, they’re more likely to reciprocate the behavior.
