Oh, the comparison trap!
“He looks better than me.”
“Teachers like her more than they like me.”
“They are more talented than me.”
“They have more toys than me.”
Comparing ourselves to others is a natural tendency.
We do it. So do our kids.
It starts young, too. A recent study found that kids as young as age two engage in comparative thinking.
When we compare ourselves to others, we’re usually not thinking objectively.
We’re more likely to focus on the ways we think we’re inferior. This can lead to feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and inadequacy.
Comparison traps can be especially harmful to kids’ self-esteem.
Or it can go another way.
“I’m better than them.”
“I don’t need their help.”
“I don’t want to be friends with someone so different from me.”
Comparing ourselves to others can also lead to feelings of superiority and elitism. This can make us judgmental, arrogant, and dismissive of others.
If your child is comparing themselves to others, here are a few things you can do to help children stop comparing themselves:
1. Help them understand everyone is unique.
We all have our own unique talents and abilities. Just because someone is good at math doesn’t mean they’re better than someone who is good at art.
2. Help them understand comparisons are often inaccurate.
When we compare ourselves to others, we’re usually not thinking objectively. We’re underestimating or overestimating them.
And we are completely ignoring other factors involved, like luck, timing, or circumstance.
3. Don’t compare them with anybody else.
Children learn by example. If you’re constantly comparing them to other kids, they’ll think it’s okay to do the same.
Recommended reading: 12 Effective Ways To Respond When Your Kids Complain
Recommended reading: Do You Make Fun of Your Child or Complain About Them in Social Circles in Their Presence?
4. Help them focus on their own progress.
At the end of the day, what matters is the effort we put in.
So, instead of comparing themselves to others, encourage your child to focus on their own progress. We can only compete with ourselves.
5. Help them find something to appreciate about everybody.
Appreciating others without considering where we stand in comparison is a skill.
Which means it takes practice.
One way to do this is to help your child find something to appreciate about everybody. It can be as simple as “I like the way she always has a smile on her face” or “I like how he’s fantastic at basketball.”
Doing this will help your child see that there is good in everybody. And that we can all learn from each other.
6. Help them focus on the things that are important to them.
Comparing ourselves to others is often a distraction from what’s really important to us.
If your child is constantly comparing themselves to others, help them refocus on the things that are important to them.
7. Encourage them to celebrate other people’s successes.
When we’re happy for other people’s successes, it takes the sting out of comparison traps.
Ultimately, we want our kids to have a healthy attitude towards comparisons.
Otherwise, it will hamper their growth and result in a fixed mindset.
We don’t want that! We want them to have a growth mindset. A mindset where they believe they can improve with effort.
So, the goal is not to completely stop comparisons. That’s impossible and unnecessary.
The goal is to help our kids learn how to make comparisons healthily. A way that leads to growth and progress. Not jealousy, insecurity, and self-doubt.
Want your child to learn fail-proof ways of making that happen?
Get your child our Growth Mindset Kit today!
The Growth Mindset Kit is science-backed learning and activity resource for your child to help them develop a growth mindset from a very early age and, in turn, helps children stop comparing themselves to others.
Click here to get your child’s kit today!
