As parents, we often hear our children complain about something or the other. It could be about school, friends, siblings, or just about anything. While it’s natural for children to complain, as parents, it can be frustrating to listen to constant whining and negativity. However, when kids complain, it’s important to understand that complaining is a natural way for children to express their feelings and it’s our job as parents to help them navigate through their emotions.
Here are some effective ways to respond when your kids complain.
1. Listen attentively
The first step to responding effectively to your child’s complaints is to listen attentively. When kids complain, avoid interrupting or dismissing them. Instead, give them your full attention and listen to what they have to say. This will make your child feel heard and valued, which will, in turn, strengthen your relationship with them.
2. Empathize with your child
After listening to your child’s complaint, it’s important to empathize with them. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand their perspective. For example, if your child is complaining about a friend who said something hurtful, you could say, “I’m sorry to hear that your friend said something hurtful. That must have been really tough for you.” This shows your child that you understand how they feel and that you are there to support them. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology in 2020 found that parents who responded to their children’s complaints with empathy and validation were more likely to have children with better mental health outcomes, including fewer depressive symptoms and better self-esteem.
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3. Help them identify the problem
Children may sometimes struggle to articulate what is bothering them, and it’s our job as parents to help them identify the problem. Encourage your child to express their feelings, and listen carefully to what they are saying. Ask open-ended questions like “Can you tell me more about what happened?” or “How did that make you feel?” This will help them understand the root of their complaint and put it into words.
4. Help them put things in perspective
Sometimes complaints can seem overwhelming to children, and they may need help putting things in perspective. Remind them that this is a temporary problem and that it will pass. Help them focus on the positive aspects of their life and encourage them to be hopeful for the future.
5. Help your child find a solution
After empathizing with your child, you can help them find a solution to their problem. This can be done by asking questions and encouraging your child to think of different solutions. For example, if your child is complaining about being bored, you could suggest some activities they could do or ask them what they would like to do.
6. Teach them coping skills.
Teach your child healthy coping skills to help them deal with difficult situations. This could include taking deep breaths, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in physical activity. Encourage them to find healthy outlets for their emotions. Another study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies in 2021 found that parents who used problem-solving strategies with their children (such as helping them come up with solutions to their complaints) had children with better coping skills and less anxiety.
7. Encourage them to take action
Help your child understand that they have the power to change their situation. Encourage them to take action and make changes where they can. This could mean talking to a teacher, finding a new activity to participate in, or reaching out to a friend for support.
8. Show them that you trust them
Let your child know that you believe in their ability to solve their problems. This can help build their confidence and self-esteem. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that children who felt trusted and respected by their parents were more likely to have better self-esteem and fewer behavior problems.
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9. Give them space and time
Sometimes children just need some time to process their feelings and come up with a solution on their own. When kids complain, give them space to think and process their emotions; but let them know that you are there to support them when they are ready to talk.
10. Encourage positivity
While it’s important to listen to your child’s complaints, it’s also important to encourage positivity. You can do this by asking your child to focus on the positive aspects of their situation. For example, if your child is complaining about having to go to school, you could say, “I know school can be tough sometimes, but you get to see your friends and learn new things.”
11. Set boundaries
While it’s important to listen to your child’s complaints, it’s also important to set boundaries. This means letting your child know when their complaining is becoming excessive or when it’s not appropriate. For example, if your child is complaining during dinner, you could say, “I understand that you’re upset, but let’s try to focus on our meal right now and we can talk about it later.”
12. Teach them gratitude
Encourage your child to focus on the positive aspects of their life and to be thankful for what they have. This can help shift their focus away from their complaints and towards the good things in their life. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology found that children who were taught gratitude skills (such as focusing on the positive aspects of their life and being thankful for what they have) had better emotional well-being and were less likely to have behavior problems.
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Conclusion: When kids complain
In conclusion, responding to your child’s complaints in a positive and effective manner can help them navigate through their emotions and build a stronger relationship with you. By listening attentively, empathizing, helping your child find a solution, encouraging positivity, and setting boundaries, you can create a supportive environment for your child to express themselves. Remember, complaining is a natural way for children to express their feelings, so it’s important to respond in a way that helps them feel heard and valued.
