Being a parent can be a tough job, and it’s natural to have expectations for yourself as you raise your child. However, sometimes these expectations can become overwhelming and cause unnecessary stress. In this blog post, we will explore how having too many expectations as a parent can affect your well-being and your relationship with your child and how you can manage your expectations better.
The impact of high expectations on parents
Having high expectations for yourself as a parent can have a significant impact on your mental health. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, parents who set high expectations for themselves are more likely to experience stress and anxiety. This stress can lead to burnout, depression, and other mental health issues.
Not only can high expectations impact your own well-being, but they can also affect your relationship with your child. When parents have unrealistic expectations, they may become overly critical and push their child too hard. This can cause the child to feel stressed and anxious, which can ultimately harm their academic performance and emotional well-being.
Signs of having too many expectations
It’s essential to recognize the signs of having too many expectations for yourself as a parent. Here are some common signs to watch out for:
- You feel stressed and overwhelmed most of the time.
- You find yourself constantly comparing your child to others.
- You feel guilty when you don’t meet your own expectations.
- You struggle to enjoy your time with your child because you’re always focused on their achievements.
- You feel like you’re not doing enough, even when you’re doing everything you can.
Recommended reading: Your Child’s Exam is Not a Test of Your Parenting Capability
Recommended reading: Parental Burnout: Strategies to Cope
Tips for managing expectations
Managing your expectations as a parent is crucial for your well-being and your child’s. Here are some tips to help you manage your expectations effectively:
1. Set realistic expectations
Being a parent comes with a lot of responsibilities, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of expecting too much from yourself and your child. Setting unrealistic expectations can lead to feelings of disappointment, frustration, and even failure.
Comparing your child to others can be tempting, especially if you see other children excelling in areas where your child may struggle. However, it’s important to remember that every child is unique and has their strengths and weaknesses. Comparing your child to others can create unrealistic expectations and put undue pressure on both you and your child.
In addition, setting realistic expectations can also lead to better academic performance for your child. A study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that parents who had higher expectations for their children’s academic achievement had children who performed better in school but at the same time had increased stress and anxiety for both parents and children.
So, it’s important to set realistic expectations for yourself and your child to avoid these negative emotions and have better communication with your child, more positive interactions, and less conflict.
Does this mean that I am suggesting you to lower your standards or goals?
No, absolutely not.
What it means is taking into account your child’s individual abilities, interests, and needs, and setting goals that are challenging but achievable. By doing this, you can help your child develop a sense of competence and self-confidence.
2. Focus on progress, not just results
As parents, we tend to get caught up in the end goal, which is often academic success, and forget about the journey that leads to it. However, research suggests that a focus on progress can be more beneficial for both children and parents.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a focus on progress leads to greater motivation and self-esteem than a focus on outcome. Children who are praised for their effort and progress are more likely to develop a growth mindset, which is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work and dedication. This mindset has been linked to higher academic achievement and better coping skills.
Moreover, focusing on progress allows you to appreciate the small steps and milestones that lead to success. This can help alleviate some of the pressure that parents and children feel to constantly perform at a high level. For example, instead of only celebrating a good grade, you can also celebrate your child’s efforts to improve their studying habits or their ability to manage their time.
In addition, focusing on progress can also help parents set more realistic expectations for themselves. It’s important to remember that parenting is a journey, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. By recognizing and celebrating your own progress as a parent, you can reduce the pressure to be perfect and enjoy the process of growing and learning with your child.
3. Practice self-care
When you have too high expectations from yourself as a parent, as a natural consequence you start neglecting your own self-care. So, consciously practicing self-care can help reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood, and increase overall life satisfaction (Cohen et al., 2017; Gao et al., 2019), which in turn can help you can help you manage your expectations better.
One study found that parents who practiced self-care had better mental health and reported feeling more competent in their parenting abilities (Gao et al., 2019). Additionally, another study found that self-care practices can help prevent parental burnout, which is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress and caregiving responsibilities (Mikolajczak et al., 2018).
When you take care of yourself, you also set a positive example for your child. When they see you prioritizing your own well-being, they will learn the importance of self-care. It’s important to remember that self-care doesn’t have to be time-consuming or expensive. Even small acts of self-care, such as taking a few minutes to stretch, read a book, 20 mins of yoga, spending time with friends, or pursuing hobbies, can have a positive impact on your mental and emotional health.
4. Seek support
Seeking support from others can be an effective way to manage expectations and find a healthy balance. Talking to other parents who are going through similar experiences can be helpful in realizing that you are not alone in your struggles. Sharing stories and advice can provide a sense of community and help ease the burden of expectations. Additionally, speaking with a therapist can offer a safe space to process and work through any feelings of overwhelm or anxiety related to parenting.
Research has shown that seeking support can have a positive impact on parenting outcomes. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that parents who received support from a parenting program reported lower levels of parenting stress and higher levels of positive parenting practices. Another study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that parents who participated in support groups reported feeling less stressed and better able to cope with the challenges of parenting.
Conclusion: Having too many expectations from yourself as parent
As a parent, it’s natural to want the best for your child, but it’s essential to recognize the impact that high expectations can have on your well-being and your relationship with your child. By setting realistic expectations, focusing on progress, practicing self-care, and seeking support, you can manage your expectations effectively and enjoy your bonding with your child. Remember, being a good parent is not about being perfect, but about doing your best and loving your child unconditionally.
