“How does it rain?”, Five-year-old Rumi asked her mother and to not go into the details that may be too complicated for her daughter, her mother simply said, “Oh! God leaves his tap open!”
The next day, in school, Rumi was so excited to tell all her friends about this, and while it was exhilarating to tell them how it rains, the happiness didn’t last long. A classmate of hers called her a liar. Rumi strongly protested that her mother told her the answer and she would never lie. At this, the classmate called both of them liars. The argument escalated to the point that the class teacher had to intervene. She patiently told Rumi the actual process of water cycle and rain to diffuse the tension and clear the misunderstanding. But Rumi just sat there silently blinking away tears of mortification and thinking just one thing – My mother lied to me.
Why parents lie?
Although we all know that lying does no good and that we should never lie, many of us do lie all the time. We even try to justify our lies that they were for the greater good. While it may be alright (but it is not) to lie as a person once in a while, it is not a great choice to lie to your child as a parent.
Before you get all offensive and defensive, you have to know how easily and how frequently parents lie to their kids in the world. A research study published in the International Journal of Psychology found that most parents lie to their children as a tactic to change their behavior. For instance, you tell your kids to finish their homework or else some bogeyman will take them away. It does sound manipulative, doesn’t it? Your lying can impact your children in a negative way and can change their lives for the worse. After all, these little white lies are not so little and harmless.
Here we will be talking about one simple question – Why should you never lie to your child? However, the answer is not that simple.
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Why you should not lie to children
1. Goodbye Trust
The famous story of the shepherd boy and the wolf comes with a strong message that there is no believing a liar. Lying takes away the trust and makes it difficult to ever believe the person. The age-old adage of ‘once burn, twice shy’ rings true when it comes to trusting the same person who has lied time and time again.
However, lying to kids can cause them to mistrust you and accept lies as the way of life. Taking a leaf from your own book, in the future, they may stop sharing things with you or stop telling you the whole truth.
Remember, trust is important when it comes to communication. If your kids stop trusting you, then communication too is ought to stop one day.
2. You become a Liar
As parents, we often lie to children about many things as we think they are not old enough to understand or be exposed to the truth. However, as your children grow old and start realizing the truth, they may begin to think of you as someone who lies easily.
They start questioning your honesty. Your image is forever tarnished, and the kids may even label and categorize you as a liar. It will be easier for them to believe that you might have lied than accept the fact that you might be telling the truth.
3. Psychological impact
Lies are misleading at their core and while we have already established how lies can make your kids trust you less, there are other psychological impacts that, as a parent, you need to worry about. While your intentions may remain pure to mislead your child, there is no guarantee how that lie will affect the kid.
Your actions are the cause and the effect remains to be seen yet. For example, when your child is hurt, you try to distract them by saying how the poor ants die. Your intention was to distract your child from feeling the pain, but it may cause your child to think about how they hurt the ants and how they are bad people.
In some earlier instances, you may have even told your kids how bad people are punished by the police or God. Such things can cause them unnecessary trauma, make them see themselves in a negative light, reduce their self-worth, etc.
4. Losing your worth
John D. Rockefeller once said, “I believe in the sacredness of a promise, that a man’s word should be as good as his bond; that his character – not wealth, power or position – is of supreme worth.”
To epitomize, a person is worth lies in their words. You often make promises to your child and never fulfill them. These false promises or lies can make you lose your worth in your child’s eyes.
Recommended reading: 7 Parenting Mistakes That Can Cause Childhood Trauma
Recommended reading: What’s Wrong With Strict Parenting?
Conclusion: Why you should not lie to children
To wrap up the article, you have to learn to make a conscious effort not to lie to your kids or think twice before saying anything to your kids. Your busy schedule may lure you into brushing off little things and presenting sweet little white lies but instead stop and take a deep breath. Teach your child the value of honesty and a person’s true worth because lies are just that – lies.
