After an exceptionally long time, you finally get to mingle with your friends and cousins at an intimate family gathering. The atmosphere is joyous, a laugh or two can be heard every two seconds, and you are worry-free. All of a sudden, a shrilling sound reaches you, and you run towards your room where your six-month-old daughter was sleeping just moments ago. You find your mother-in-law, who unfortunately does not stay with you, trying to pacify her gently but to no avail. She even insists you go back to the soiree, citing her experience with raising children. Still, with a guilty look laden with a tiring sigh, you tell your mother-in-law that your child does not do well with unfamiliar faces and will not be calm until you are holding the baby yourself. Soon, your girl’s cries subside and the outside chatter fades away.
Does this sound familiar? This situation where your child does not do well with unfamiliar faces and always latches onto you?
While it can be daunting for your young ones to trust unfamiliar faces, it must be equally difficult for you, too, especially when people want to be with your child and help you. As strange as it might sound, this behavior is quite normal. We call it ‘stranger anxiety.’
What is stranger anxiety?
Stranger anxiety, according to the definition given by American Psychological Association (APA), is the “distress and apprehension experienced by young children when they are around individuals who are unfamiliar to them.”
Young children are curious little things – trying hard to make sense of their surroundings, all the while learning to trust their primary caregiver, that is, their mother. All this is frightening when they cannot even clearly see their surroundings with their minimal and still developing vision. Yes, at four months, your face is just a blurry image for your child, even though they may appear fascinated with your face. No wonder unfamiliar faces just make them uncomfortable and anxious as soon as they start clearly seeing faces, colors, and shapes. Strangers have not earned your child’s trust yet, and their face is completely new to them. Stranger anxiety, thus, is a part of cognitive development and generally appears in children aged six to eighteen months.
While as normal as this anxiety appears, it can be cumbersome sometimes to deal with. For working parents, it is quite a challenge to help their child transition and get acquainted with nannies and other caregivers if there are no elders or other members in the family they are already familiar with. Research has shown that there is a higher risk of children developing anxiety disorders in later years if they suffer from stranger anxiety during the early stages of their life (6-36 months). Consequently, in this article, we will discuss a few ways to help both you and your child deal with stranger anxiety.
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Tips to deal with stranger anxiety in children
1. Recognize the signs
The very first step as a parent that you need to take in order to deal with stranger anxiety in your children is to know the signs if they are actually struggling with stranger anxiety or not. Many a time, parents end up ignoring their child’s needs, and as sad as it may sound, it is the truth. Infants cannot speak until later, and it sometimes becomes difficult to understand them. Anxiety is stressful for them, and they may struggle to convey their needs with limited babbling sounds and shrilling cries. Thus, it is imperative that parents learn to recognize the early signs and give proper attention to their child’s fear.
Do not ever brush off their fear or anxiety as it might develop into other psychological problems (anxiety disorder, impulsive conduct, depression. bipolar disorder, etc.) at a later stage. A few signs you need to look for are fussing, crying, being extremely quiet, showing fear, appearing withdrawn, etc.
2. Let your child get familiar with others in a safe environment
While forcing your infant or toddler to spend time with other people is not a wise choice if you want to deal with their anxiety in a healthy manner, it is advised that you give the child a safe environment to mingle with others where they always have the choice to crawl or leave. Famous psychologist Bowlby’s theory of attachment and consecutive research further proves the fact that children feel safer in the presence of their primary caregivers. Children are more likely to interact, study their environment and explore readily when they know their safety is not compromised and their trusty caregiver is watching over them. This will give your child the confidence to interact with others with the choice of leaving whenever they want.
3. Baby’s day out
As odd as it might sound, a little exposure therapy goes a long way. If you take your child out for a stroll or picnic where they get plenty of chance to see new things, meet new people, see unfamiliar faces, and have plain human interaction, with no obligation to directly interact with anyone or anything, they might learn to overcome their anxiety. Many researches show that children become resilient and have the natural tendency to overcome anxieties. So, a little dose of the world will help them overcome any anxiety.
4. Keep calm
The Czar’s faced their demise when the queen began to put all her faith in a mystic healer, Rasputin, who was nothing more than a fraud. She wanted to help her only son become healthy and deal with pain. Desperation paved the way for Rasputin to become her anchor. In truth, Rasputin had no powers to heal her son, but the queen’s trust in his power made her calm, and that, in turn, made the sickly son calm. It was no magic.
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Children respond to their parent’s emotions and in a stressful situation, if the mother remains calm, the child is automatically wired to become calm too. So, in situations, when your child is being anxious and fussy, you can learn to keep calm and take long breaths. Researches have found that in cases of a panic or anxiety attack, it helps the person control their anxiety and breathe easily if someone starts to breathe loudly with them.
Conclusion: Stranger anxiety in children
While stranger anxiety is common, it is not wise to ignore it. For today’s fear can become tomorrow’s demons. Looking out for early signs and providing immediate intervention can help both you and your child. However, in case the situation persists and you see no improvement, a visit to a child psychologist is advised.
