At 27, Madhavi still don’t know how to openly communicate with her parents. The fear of another unnecessary argument, more hurt and endless sadness keeps her mum in all situations. She worries that years and years of pent-up frustration will come out in some warped form of emotional or physical abuse in the name of ‘parenting’ and her innocent future children will suffer at the hands of their own parents. She has decided to end the vicious cycle of toxicity and is now going to a family counselor in hopes that she will be a ‘good’ parent and not just a parent.
You might be a young parent, an experienced one with ‘I know it all’ vibes or just might be a bored internet surfer to stumble upon this article. You might think this is not relevant to you, but introspection is always a good thing.
How good of a parent are you?
As an Asian kid, how well do you relate with Madhavi?
Does your definition of good parenting actually resonate with your child’s definition of good parenting?
Not everyone is perceptive enough, like Madhavi, to understand that parenting style and family dynamics impact emotional development in children and to realize something is wrong with their parenting style. At times, psychological intervention is required. But before anything, you need to understand: What is bad parenting?
Factors that Lead to Bad Parenting
A general consensus regarding the definition of bad parenting is the inability to fulfill their child’s emotional, mental and physical needs. Signs that are definition of ‘bad parenting’ include are prioritizing your needs above your child’s, emotional unavailability, physical abuse, rigid control, etc. Here are five factors that lead to bad parenting and their impact on child’s mental health.
1. Manipulative parents
Manipulative parents use psychological tactics to control their children and influence their thoughts and behaviors. This behavior can lead to negative outcomes for the child, such as decreased self-esteem, increased anxiety, and difficulties forming healthy relationships. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Violence, children raised by manipulative parents are more likely to develop trust issues and emotional disturbances later in life. This underscores the long-term impact of manipulative parenting on a child’s mental and emotional well-being.
Recommended reading: 7 Signs You Have Been Raised By Manipulative Parents
2. Emotional abuse from parents
Emotional abuse encompasses behaviors such as humiliation, degradation, and constant criticism. Research by the American Psychological Association (APA) reveals that children who experience emotional abuse are at a higher risk of developing mental health issues, including depression and anxiety. Moreover, emotional abuse can impair a child’s ability to regulate emotions, resulting in difficulty forming healthy attachments with others. The effects of emotional abuse can be profound, leading to long-lasting emotional scars that persist into adulthood.
Recommended reading: 9 Signs Of Emotional Abuse From Parents
3. Gaslighting by parents
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a parent distorts their child’s perception of reality, making them doubt their thoughts, feelings, and memories. A study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence highlights that gaslighting by parents can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth and increased vulnerability to manipulation in future relationships. Gaslighting can also hinder a child’s ability to trust their own judgment, leading to impaired decision-making and emotional instability.
Recommended reading: Gaslighting and Parenting: What You Need to Know
4. Parent’s psyche
A parent’s mental health and psychological well-being significantly influence their parenting style and the environment they provide for their children. Research conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) indicates that parents with untreated mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, or substance abuse, are more likely to engage in negative parenting practices. These parents may struggle to provide consistent emotional support, leading to a disrupted parent-child relationship and adversely affecting the child’s emotional development.
5. Parentification
Parentification occurs when a child is forced to take on the role of a caregiver for their parents or siblings, assuming responsibilities beyond their age and developmental level. Studies cited in the Journal of Family Issues demonstrate that parentified children experience stress, anxiety, and a loss of childhood, as they are prematurely burdened with adult responsibilities. Parentification can also hinder a child’s ability to form healthy peer relationships and affect their academic performance.
Recommended reading: What Is Parentification?
Impact of Bad Parenting on Child’s Mental Health
Bad parenting leads to some serious psychological issues, which you might never notice as a parent because some of the problems are quite normalized in society. In this section, we will be discussing the top five psychological problems linked with bad parenting can cause.
1. Higher Risk of Psychological Disorder
Bad parenting can cause childhood trauma. Bad parenting makes children more prone to psychological disorders like depression, anxiety, aggression, etc. One of the most significant impacts of bad parenting is the increased risk of children developing psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety, and aggression. Research conducted by Rizvi and Najam (2014) reveals a positive correlation between parental psychological abuse and psychological disorders like anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in adolescents.
When children are subjected to emotional or psychological abuse, their sense of security and self-worth is undermined, leading to heightened vulnerability to mental health issues. For example, a child constantly berated by their parent may internalize negative messages about their self-worth, resulting in a lack of confidence and an increased likelihood of developing anxiety or depression. It could lead to an ODD diagnosis or something similar.
2. Negative Self Perception
Bad parenting can make your child see themselves in a negative light. Their self-esteem and self-perception become negative. Research published in the Journal of Education and Practice by Saira Yousaf highlights that a strict parenting style can contribute to decreasing a child’s self-esteem. When parents are excessively critical or dismissive of their child’s efforts, the child may begin to doubt their abilities and develop a negative view of themselves. For instance, a child repeatedly told they are not good enough or that they will never succeed may internalize these messages and struggle with feelings of inadequacy, which can impact their overall well-being.
3. Anti-Social Behavior
Bad parenting can also result in children displaying anti-social behavior as a coping mechanism for the lack of love and attention. In extreme cases, the absence of nurturing and positive parental involvement can lead children to act out in aggressive or delinquent ways. Some examples of anti-social behaviors that can arise from bad parenting include bullying, substance abuse, alcoholism, trespassing, and involvement in criminal activities. For example, a child who experiences neglect or emotional abuse at home may seek validation or a sense of power through bullying their peers at school.
4. Poor Resilience
Research indicates that bad parenting can hinder a child’s ability to develop resilience, which is the capacity to cope with stress and adversity. Children who receive love, support, and warmth from their parents tend to develop better resilience, allowing them to handle challenges in their social and general life effectively. Conversely, children who experience neglect or inconsistent parenting may struggle to cope with stress and setbacks. For instance, a child raised in an environment where their emotional needs are ignored may find it challenging to handle the stress of academic pressures or social conflicts.
5. Lack of Empathy
The parenting style adopted by caregivers can significantly influence a child’s ability to empathize with others. Meredith G. Smith’s thesis on the ‘Effect of Parenting Style on Empathy‘ suggests that authoritarian parenting practices, characterized by strictness and control, may lead to lower levels of empathy in children.
For example, a child raised in an authoritarian household, where their emotions are disregarded or punished, may find it difficult to understand and relate to the feelings of others, leading to challenges in forming meaningful relationships.
Conclusion
To epitomize, parenting is a difficult job, and while every parent strives to give their children a beautiful and safe life, not everyone is able to. There is no ‘How To’ guide when it comes to parenting. What works for one parent might not work for you. But one thing that might work for all parents is as simple as just asking their children: Are you happy? Just ask them if your decision hurt them.
After all, your ‘no drinks, no dating, and home before 8’ rule exists to keep your child safe. But if your decisions make them resentful and they end up hurting anyway, what is the point? Nurture your child’s mental health. Communication, negotiations, and a middle ground go a long way.
In parenting, there is a parent and a child, after all. Be democratic!
