What To Do When Your Child Talks Back Rudely

Hey! What a gorgeous day it is, right? 

Sun shining and flaunting his rays through your window, birds chirping at the edge of the branch, fresh air blowing and soothing you, giving you a piece of moment in your chaotic life as a mother where your life revolves around your sweet little kid. 

You wake up early for them, bathe them, prepare their favorite dish, go to your work, and even while doing it, you think of your kid – What they must be doing? Are they sleeping or not? Are they alright? etc., you come back home and play with them, talk with them, give them so many cuddles, feed them, put them to bed, and the cycle goes on. 

Yes, we know how beautiful life is with a kid. How precious it is with that precious munchkin.

But one day when suddenly your child doesn’t reply to you properly, talks back rudely, and doesn’t respect you …. that pain, that ache … no one can understand that better than a mother’s heart. 

What could be possible reasons behind the “rude back talks”? 

All mothers have this obvious question after first encountering such situation, and you all are right because we need to know the reasons behind the problem in order to solve it. 

“Every problem is a reaction to one’s action.”

Reasons-

1. Anger
2. Frustration
3. Fear
4. Anxiety
5. Crave attention
6. Hurt
7. Wants to be independent
8. Trying to copy elders or other children
9. No proper diet
10. No proper exercise
11. Confined to four walls
12. Being misunderstood repeatedly 
13. Not heard
14. Bullied
15. Feeling ignored 

What could be the solutions when your child talks back rudely? 

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein

1. Stay composed

Your child’s mouthing off can easily push your buttons and you may be tempted to shout back or say that “You are not my boss, I’m”, “You are bad kid”, etc. But this will only escalate the situation and will make it worse rather than cooling it and controlling the consequences.  

But instead of doing this, when your child talks back rudely, try to –

• Stay calm.
• Try to avoid getting into verbal fight.
• Give yourself some time to relax.
• Take a walk.
• Meditate for 10 mins.
• Drink a glass of water.
• Do deep breathing.
• Think rationally rather than emotionally. 

2. Understand them

When you face such a situation, don’t instantly scold your child. They may be wrong but “why” it’s necessary to know. After calming yourself down, do the following –

• Sit down and talk to your child.
• Try to understand the reason behind their disrespectful act.
• Give them time to express themselves freely.
• Be a good listener. 
• Don’t compare them with their peers and friends. 

Recommended reading: What’s Wrong With Strict Parenting?

Recommended reading: 5 Strategies for Dealing with Child Misbehaving in School

3. Sleuthing

After getting acquainted with the reasons behind the rude replies like anger, fear, hurt etc. try to dig deeper. Try to get acquainted with reasons for those emotions. Try to know what are the reasons behind their negative emotions.

• Fun – This can be because they might be watching something on television and wants to imitate them. 
• Hurt – This can be because you might have been little busy with your work someday when they approached you. Seeing you not responding properly might have hurt them. 
• Fear – This can be because they might be bullied in school and are unable to tell this to anyone; thus, out of fear and frustrations does this.

4. Their emotions matter

After you are very well acquainted with all reasons behind their actions and emotions, let’s not directly jump to teaching and guiding them what’s right and what’s not. Before doing so, first, let your child know that you care about their feelings and respect their emotions. Let them know that you can understand their feelings and the reasons behind their actions. Acknowledge your child’s emotions and calmly handle them.

5. Set some boundaries

Now, after you are done with understanding and acknowledging your child very politely, let them know what is right and what is wrong, and what can be the consequences.

This can be done in following ways –

• Make them understand that they can talk to you or a family member they are comfortable with without hesitation or fear of being judged if they have such negative emotions. 
• Teach them that letting these negative emotions control your heart and mind is not good and that they must think objectively and rationally and remember the non-negotiable values. 
• Educate them about appropriate social conduct, moral values, and respect towards elders. 
• Let them know that if they continue to behave in this inappropriate manner or behaves in this way anytime in the future, what could be the consequences and that these consequences will not be good for them. 
• Also, in a very friendly manner, let them know that you as a mother will not teach them anything bad but rather guide them through their journey. 

6. Know when to turn a deaf year

You must also be aware of what things and demands of your child you must accept and what not. Suppose they are forcing you to buy a candy bar for them just out of mere ostentation, you must not simply fulfill that demand. At that moment, if they become nasty and start giving rude replies, let them have their moment and don’t cut it. When after some time, they become calm tell them the reasons behind your denial and let them know why you think it’s right. 

7. Connect more

If you find this rude behavior of your child regularly, then try to spend some more extra time with them by –

• Playing some sport together.
• Going for a run or walk together.
• Helping them with their homework.
• Planning a trip together.
• Talking to them regarding their day and what is going on with them.

8. Encourage them

Last but not least, don’t stop your child from experiencing new things and trying them out. Don’t confine him. Let him enjoy and try new things, and along keep on teaching him the difference between right and wrong and how to correct mistakes. Always encourage their good behavior, compliment them, recognize their efforts, and give proper attention to them. 

Remember, if such rude behavior is not corrected in timely and appropriate manner, it might lead to talk back, defiance, acts of destruction, threatening others, and physical abuse in the future.  

Conclusion: When your child talks back rudely

Parents feel so happy when they see their child speaking their first words. It’s no doubt such a beautiful moment, but it soon turns into hell when they see their child talking back rudely, disrespectfully, and abusing. It does hurt, and soon others question themselves and their efforts.

But there is no need to worry. This is a very common scenario in this fast pace life where kids in the age group 2-10 years old have easy access to everything and technology. Besides work, kids, family, etc., mothers too have their own needs like proper diet, peaceful mental health, healthy menstruation cycle, etc. Thus, neither mothers nor kids are wrong or at fault in such a situation.

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem” ― Captain Jack Sparrow

Whenever you face such a situation, do not doubt yourself or your kids; just stay calm, try to find out the reasons behind the actions and follow the abovementioned steps. Life can be hard nowadays, both for mothers and kids. But, there is always a solution to such problems, which is easily available at Raising Children 101 as we offer a holistic roadmap of resources.