As of late, there’s been online discourse about “gentle parenting” and how millennials often prefer to employ it. That is, the idea that being harsh, derisory, intense, and dismissive are not good parenting styles, and as such learning to gently push your child in the right direction is important.
Of course, on the face of it, this is absolutely a wise approach to take. Not only does it help you bond, but it allows you to show a child why they should behave a certain way instead of demanding that they do. However, like all parenting styles that follow one specific dogmatic approach, this isn’t always the most helpful for every single child.
Now, you’re not about to read a post about why you should be more strict and heavy-handed with your children’s upbringing of course. We’re sure you’re doing a great job regardless. But in the interest of fairness, it’s important to properly review how and why gentle parenting isn’t always the perfect approach to take, and what to do instead:
Gentle Parenting Must Not Fear Accountability & Fair Discipline
One of the most obvious criticisms of gentle parenting is that accountability becomes something of a taboo word. It’s important to remember that discipline doesn’t have to be harsh to be effective. You can still hold your child accountable for their actions in a way that’s firm but fair. For example, if they’re consistently pushing boundaries, gently reminding them over and over might not cut it. Sometimes, a consequence like taking away a privilege for a day can be more effective. A gold-star chart system can help with behavior because it’s more objective than subjective directions and a softly-softly approach. Either they cleaned up their toys, or they didn’t.
Gentle Parenting Must Not Accept The Unacceptable
The problem with being too gentle is that sometimes, it’s not enough to ensure behavior. We know this as adults, which is why we have all kinds of laws in place to penalize, such as taking someone’s driving license away if they don’t behave correctly on the roads. So if your child is throwing a tantrum and yelling at a sibling, it’s tempting to be patient and wait for them to calm down – but sometimes, stepping in and stopping the behavior right away is more important than just giving them space to vent. It shows that despite your gentle and fair approach, you won’t tolerate harm.
Gentle Parenting Must Not Smother Potential
Now, this isn’t to sound like someone decrying the idea of a participation trophy or telling you that your child needs to be an elite athlete or else, but sometimes, parents can be so focused on making sure their child feels safe and supported that they might hesitate to push them toward growth and new challenges.
Encouraging your child to step outside their comfort zone is a really helpful part of helping them develop resilience and confidence. So while it’s great to be patient and supportive, don’t be afraid to nudge them toward new experience if you can. As we’ve seen with guides that teach us how to help struggling students in the classroom, a mindful approach takes all measures into consideration, but ultimately starts with believing in your little ones.
With this advice, you’ll be certain to manage your parenting style, using equal parts gentle parenting and strict, fair guidance.
