A new day, a new heated conversation with your spouse over your child’s parenting. Instances like these are quite common with couples who have varying takes on their upbringing styles. Disagreeing with the child’s daily routine, punishment style, splurging on unnecessary demands, etc. are some of the most common issues that become the breeding ground for such wrangles. Having said that, you need to understand that fixing such issues becomes more important as it can significantly deteriorate your relationship with your partner. And such toxic relationships impact children. Here’s what to do when you don’t agree with your partner’s parenting style to make your parenting journey smoother.
1. Turning Debates Into Discussions
No matter how hard you try, there will be times when your thoughts will be poles apart, and you’ll find it difficult to connect with your partner’s parenting styles. So how to begin with this? Start by addressing the conflicts, what you dislike and why you dislike them. Your discussion should boil down to finding the key differentiators in parenting styles so that you can take the next step. The bottom line is that you can only do better when you know better and know that you got to communicate.
2. Target the Problem, Not Your Partner
It’s a win-win if you get this right. You need to understand that both of you have the purest intentions for your child; it’s just the method that is the obstacle. Instead of blaming them, acknowledge their point of view, work as a team, and understand that since you both have had different backgrounds, it is natural to have a difference in upbringing styles. It’s not the person you should criticize, but their approach. You need to look up parenting methods where both of you can navigate smoothly and at the same time, the spirit of your multicultural home also remains intact.
3. Identify the Type and Nature Of Discord
This involves diving into the root cause to come up with possible solutions. Find out what is troubling you? Is it your partner’s laid-back attitude or being overly protective behavior towards your child? Do you disagree on the amount of freedom to give your child or the different ways you wish to imbibe discipline? Watch out for recurring issues or the constant conflicting ideas and figure out ways to either mitigate or eliminate them accordingly.
4. Construct a Mutually Beneficial Model
The key is to find the right blend of both parenting styles so that the child doesn’t get mixed messages. Suppose one parent scolds the child for being undisciplined and the other one hardly cares. Now this will make it difficult for the child to understand if being undisciplined is good or bad. So, it’s important to set clear boundaries of what can be accepted and to what extent by introducing some non-negotiable rules. Have a broad-minded discussion on what exactly you ultimately aim for, and then proceed accordingly. Well, you might have to revisit your set rules to filter out what works best for you and your child and keep experimenting with the parental toolbox to ensure that you both come on the same page.
5. Correction Over Criticism
This is the most common yet most neglected part. Trust me, if you crack this, half of your problem is automatically solved. Stop proving that your parenting style is the best and belittling your partner’s methods. This is not supposed to be a competition. Do not compete or criticize them for their ways. When you don’t agree with your partner’s parenting style, inculcate a give and take methodology where you have a problem-solving approach.
6. Seeking Professional Help
While this might be an extreme step, and you must be sure if you need it, there have been times when getting some formal help has proved to be a boon for many parents. Parenting professionals being experts in their fields can help you traverse smoothly in your parenting journey with proper guidance.
Having said all these, note that both the parents are two chapters of the same book. All you require is some maturity to put some conscious effort into reinventing your parenting styles without being too rigid or a dominating partner and work as a team.
View this post on Instagram
