Rhythm is only seven and yet, she is full of discontent. She gets bored easily and is always exploring new things to keep herself fascinated and happy. Last month, she forced her father to buy her a new game and just a week ago, threw tantrums to change her class from Abacus to Arts. Her mother is often at the end of her wits and feels lost.
Only Rhythm’s father is able to keep her engaged and happy by talking to her about anything and everything. They go to museums, art galleries and even yoga classes with sexagenarians. Not expected of a seven-year-old but it keeps her busy.
As a result, Rhythm is curious, capricious, sad, and unappreciative sometimes but way ahead of her age. Now with the help of a child psychologist her parents have learned ways to make her appreciate things more and Rhythm is surely but steadily learning to be content.
Humans have the innate desire to explore and want more. Discontent, unhappiness and not appreciating what they have is absolutely natural. Parents too enforce the idea of always achieving or doing the best. No one is satisfied with just ‘good’ or ‘better.’ Children are the same way. A study in British Journal of Social Psychology noted that only 20% of Americans rated gratitude as constructive while the Germans showed a rate of 50%. However, in Asian countries feelings of gratitude and appreciation are enforced and a part of children’s upbringing. Parents, culture, and religion in Indian society puts great value in showing gratitude and appreciating little things life has to offer. But still your kids do not appreciate all that you do for them, and you ask yourself – Why? What am I doing wrong?
In this article, let us explore the major reasons why your children do not appreciate what they have.
1. What you want vs What your kids want
Often, parents fail to recognize the needs of their own children. Parents complain that we have given our children everything we had to offer and more but hardly anyone can answer when did they last ask their children before giving them anything. Parents want to give everything the world has to offer and whatever they can afford to their children, but a mutual decision must be made.
If you want to switch your kids’ school because you feel the new school is better, you should stop and ask your kids first if, they want to trade up or not. Do not burden them with the weight of world if never asked for it in the first place. Learn to understand their needs and wants first. However, only feasible demands must be met, and negotiations and compromise should be a part of the deal.
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2. Discontent and Boredom
Like adults, children too grow and become bored with things in their life. While ‘Baby Shark Do Doo’ used to make them happy at age three, this might not remain true once your kids grow up. As the old adage goes ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ we can say ‘boredom breeds discontent.’ So, effective, and creative ways to deal with this growing boredom and ever-changing interests should be explored together.
Research (Mann and Cadman, 2014) even professes that boredom can enhance a child’s creativity and problem-solving skills. As news anchor Palki Sharma reported, children should learn the art of enjoying the nothingness too and deal with boredom appropriately to not become sad.
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3. Fostered Materialism
Children learn from examples that parents set. Often, parents foster materialism in children or children learn to appreciate materialistic things more because they see their parents appreciating such things.
Materialism gives rise to discontent and feeling of ungratefulness. Love is often expressed giving presents and expensive stuff. If parents fail to do that, feelings of being unloved or unappreciation bloom.
A Dutch study shows that materialism and life satisfaction negatively affect each other, causing great dissatisfaction in life. A 2014 study also reveals that materialistic people grow to be sad, depressed and lonely.
Recommended reading: Take the Minimalism Challenge
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4. Culture and Values
Parents should mind the values and culture their children are facing. Western values or social media culture may force your children to be glued to TV or their phone or appreciate only finer things in life. The comparison between what other people on social media seem to have and what they do not, may bring dissatisfaction.
To help your kids appreciate what they have, parents should inculcate traditional Vedic values of gratefulness, contentment, and appreciation from a young age. The difference between what your children have and what others do not should be made clear to them. Volunteering at an NGO, donating food or clothes, helping homeless people, talking about things you are grateful for and appreciate to have in your life, etc., would help your child learn to appreciate what they have.
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Conclusion: Why don’t my kids appreciate what they have
Not appreciating what we have is something we all do. Children often feel unappreciative as they want immediate gratification of their needs. Children struggle to control their urges and if parents do not teach them to appreciate the little things and be content with what they have, children never learn. However, all is not lost. With good role modelling and understanding, children can learn to appreciate little things. Less is more and that joy can be found in little things should be taught to children.
