Imagine you tell someone you are sad and them replying that your problem doesn’t matter.
Or you are narrating a very happy event and them sitting with a poker face.
These aren’t the kind of interactions you want to be a part of, right?
Both of these scenarios lack empathy from the listener and will make you wish the conversation ended soon because empathy is a crucial aspect of having relationships, feeling connected, and even having a decent conversation.
As a parent, you may be wondering how to teach your child to be empathetic. After all, it is an important life skill. How can you help them develop this essential characteristic? It’s not always easy, but it is possible. There are different ways to do it depending on your child’s age. Here is a guide that will help you teach your child to be empathetic, regardless of their age.
What is empathy?
Before we go into how to teach your child to be empathetic, let’s understand what empathy is first.
Empathy is understanding and feeling what someone else is feeling. It’s like you are walking in their shoes. You can feel sad because they are sad, or happy because they are happy. Empathy is essential because it makes people nicer to each other.
Have you teared up because you saw someone cry? That’s empathy. You are feeling sadness because they are feeling it.
Some babies do that naturally. But some may not.
The good news is that it’s not an inborn talent that one has to be born with. Neither is that trait fixed for life. Empathy is a muscle that can be developed with some effort and practice over the years.
Why is it important to teach children to be empathetic?
Where should I start?!
1. Making friends
Getting along with others is a big part of school and life. It’s really hard to do that if you can’t understand how someone else is feeling. That’s where empathy comes in! If you can understand how your friends feel, it will be easier to be nice to them and make them feel good. Also, when you show empathy, people are more likely to show it back to you.
2. Can help prevent bullying
Empathy is a big part of stopping bullying. When someone is being bullied, it’s because the bully doesn’t understand how that person feels. If the bully could feel how much pain they are causing, they would probably stop. So, if we can teach kids empathy, we can help stop bullying before it even starts.
3. Respect their own feelings better
If you can understand how someone else is feeling, it will be easier to understand your own feelings. For kids, many feelings may seem overwhelming and scary. But when they are growing to be empathetic to others, they tend to manage them more easily.
When your kids know how to deal with their feelings, they won’t seem so big and scary.
4. Feels good!
Doing good deeds feels good! When you help someone or make them feel better, it makes you feel happy too. So, to teach your child to be empathetic will not only be important for other people, but it’s also important for your child’s happiness.
Recommended reading: 8 Ways to Teach Your Child Gratitude
Tips to teach your child to be empathetic
We have an age-by-age guide on how to teach your child to be empathetic in the next section. But before that, some common tips apply to all ages that you need to keep in mind!
1. Positive parenting to build emotional security
When children feel emotionally secure, they are more likely to be compassionate. So, one of the best things you can do as a parent is to provide a secure and loving home for your child. This means showing them love and affection, listening to them, and being there for them when they need you.
This is essentially teaching empathy by showing empathy towards them.
2. Encourage them to talk about their feelings
Make it a point to talk about emotions with your child. This will help them understand what they are feeling and why. You can do this by talking about your own emotions, reading books about emotions, or watching movies that deal with emotions.
3. Teach them to understand perspective
One of the best ways to teach empathy is to help your child understand perspective. This means teaching them that there are other points of view besides their own. You can ask them questions like, “How do you think she feels?” or “What would you do if you were in his shoes?”
4. Never resort to shaming
Shaming your child will only make them feel bad about themselves. It will also make it less likely that they will be able to empathize with others. So, instead of shaming your child when they make a mistake, help them make amends positively and constructively.
5. Encourage acts of kindness
Teach your child to be kind. One doesn’t have to do big things; even small acts of kindness go a long way in instilling empathy in kids. Acts like sharing food with a hungry person, helping people pick up things that fell, etc., counts.
You can do this by leading by example, praising acts of kindness, or even giving rewards for kind deeds.
6. Encourage them to see the things they have in common with people
We are more likely to empathize with people who we see as similar to us. So, one way to encourage empathy is to help your child see the things they have in common with others. You can do this by talking about similarities, pointing out common interests, or even doing activities together.
7. Be vocal about your feelings and emotions
Your child is more likely to be empathetic if they see you being vocal about your own emotions. So, don’t be afraid to show your emotions in front of your child. This doesn’t mean that you have to be over-the-top, but simply showing that you have emotions will go a long way.
8. Model empathy yourself
Of course, there is no better way to teach empathy than to model it yourself. Whenever you are dealing with someone, take the time to put yourself in their shoes and understand how they are feeling. This will show your child that it is important to think about how others feel.
An age-by-age guide to teach your child to be empathetic
Age 3-5 years
1. Start labelling feelings
This will help your child identify their own emotions and the emotions of others. You can do this by regularly talking about your feelings and asking how they are feeling.
You can also start talking about their physical expression of their emotions. For example, you can say, “I see you are feeling sad because you have a frown on your face.”
2. Reflect on stories and cartoons
Reflecting on stories and cartoons together can help children learn about empathy. It’s like working out your empathy muscle. Parents can ask questions like, “How do you think she felt when he said that?” or “Why do you think he did that?” to help children learn about empathy.
Recommended reading: 10 Best Children’s Books On Empathy
3. Talk about appropriate reactions
One way to teach your child to be empathetic is to talk about appropriate reactions. This means helping children understand that there are different ways to react to someone’s emotions. Teach your child to be well-mannered.
For example, you can say, “It sounds like she’s really mad. Do you think yelling would be a good way to help her feel better?” This will help children understand that there are different ways to react to someone’s emotions and that not all reactions are appropriate.
Age 5-7 years
1. Start talking about perspective
We tend to take things as we see them. But more often than not, people’s reality and the way they see things are different. So, to practice empathy, learning to see different perspectives is essential.
You can do this by asking questions like, “How do you think she feels?” or “What would you do if you were in his shoes?”
This will help children understand that there are different ways to see things and that it’s important to try and see things from other people’s points of view.
2. Encourage them to use their words
At this age, children should start using their words to express their empathy. This means instead of just saying, “I’m sorry,” they should start saying things like, “I can see that you’re upset, and I’m here for you.”
This will help children learn how to express their empathy more effectively.
3. Encourage role-playing
Role-playing is a great way to encourage empathy. This means acting out different situations and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. For example, you can role-play a situation where one child is the customer, and the other is the customer service representative. This will help children understand how to see things from someone else’s perspective.
4. Start establishing healthy boundaries
At this age, it’s also important to start establishing healthy boundaries. This means teaching children that they can’t always be there for everyone and that it’s okay to say no sometimes. This will help them understand that they need to take care of themselves too and that they can’t always be available for everyone.
Age 7-9 years
1. Encourage them to talk about their feelings
One way to encourage empathy is to encourage children to talk about their feelings. This means talking about how they are feeling and why they are feeling that way. It’s also important to encourage them to talk about how other people might be feeling.
For example, you can say, “I noticed that you seem angry. Do you want to talk about what happened?” or “It sounds like you’re upset. I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.”
2. Bring in diversity and inclusivity
We discussed how finding similarities is important for feeling empathetic. That’s why when people are labelled ‘different’, it’s easier for people to treat them poorly.
So, it’s crucial to expose our children to different cultures and backgrounds early on so that they don’t see too much ‘difference’. It’s also important to teach them about acceptance and inclusion.
For example, you can read books that feature diverse characters and teaches children about diversity or take them to cultural festivals. You can also talk to them about what it means to be accepting of others. Find ways to make them interact with people from different backgrounds.
3. Play games
Games are a great way to encourage empathy. This is because they provide an opportunity for children to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. For example, you can play the “switcheroo game” where children have to switch places with someone else and pretend to be them.
You can also play games that involve role-playing. For example, you can play “house” where children have to take on the role of different family members. This will help them understand what it’s like to see things from someone else’s perspective.
Board games that need cooperation are also great options.
4. Talk about why people do certain things
At this age, children should start understanding why people do certain things. This means understanding that there are different motives for why people do things. For example, you can talk about why someone might steal. You can also talk about why someone might lie or cheat.
It’s important to encourage children to think about how the other person is feeling. For example, you can say, “I wonder how that person must be feeling. Do you think they’re happy or sad?”
Age 9-11 years
1. Get them into things like kindness meditation
One way to encourage empathy at this age is to get them into things like loving-kindness meditation. This is where children sit quietly and think about someone they know and send them positive thoughts, and wish them well.
This is a great way to encourage children to think about others and their feelings. Studies have shown that kindness meditation can actually increase empathy.
2. Do acts of kindness together
Don’t just instruct them to do things. Get in there and get your hands dirty as well.
This could include volunteering at a local soup kitchen or helping out at a pet shelter. Doing things like this will help children understand the needs of others and how they can help.
It’s also important to talk to children about why you’re doing these things. For example, you can say, “We’re doing this because there are people who don’t have enough food. I think it’s important that we help them.”
3. Dig deeper into books and movies
At this age, children should be able to understand more complex stories. This means that you can start reading books and watching movies that deal with more complex topics. For example, you can read books about refugees or watch movies about the Holocaust.
It’s important to talk to children about these topics afterwards. You can discuss how the characters are feeling and why they’re doing what they’re doing. This will help children understand empathy on a deeper level.
Age 12+ years
1. Involve them in volunteer work
This could be activities like working at a local food bank or helping out at a nursing home. Doing things like this will help teenagers understand the needs of others and how they can help.
2. Encourage them to stand up for others
At this age, it’s also important to encourage teenagers to stand up for others. This could mean standing up to bullies or speaking out against discrimination. This will help them understand how it feels to be on the receiving end of empathy and how they can use their own empathy to help others.
3. Talk about current events
Current events are a great way to start discussions about empathy. You can talk about things happening in the world and how people are feeling. For example, you can discuss the Syrian refugee crisis and how people feel about it. This will help teenagers understand empathy on a global scale.
4. Encourage them to journal
Journaling is an excellent way for teenagers to express their thoughts and feelings. It can also be a great way to encourage empathy. You can encourage them to journal about their day-to-day experiences and how they’re feeling. This will help them understand their own emotions and the emotions of others.
Conclusion: Teach your child to be empathetic
Empathy is an important skill that children need to learn. It’s a skill that will help them throughout their lives. The good news is that there are many ways to encourage empathy in children. By using some of the tips above, you can help your child develop this important skill.
