As a society, we’ve become increasingly reliant on technology to stay connected and engaged. However, this constant connectivity has also created a new challenge for parents: how to balance the use of technology with their responsibilities as caregivers.
Our phones are constantly within arm’s reach, and it’s not uncommon to see parents scrolling through social media or answering emails while spending time with their children.
But what happens when our children start to notice this behavior?
What happens when your child says, “Mumma, keep your phone away”?
“Mumma, keep your phone away,” is a simple yet powerful statement that can leave many parents feeling guilty and ashamed. It can serve as a wake-up call for parents to re-evaluate their relationship with technology and their child. It’s a reminder that our children crave our undivided attention and that our obsession with technology can sometimes come at the cost of our relationships with them.
In this post, we’ll explore the impact of excessive phone usage on parent-child relationships and discuss strategies to help parents stay present and engaged with their children. So, if you’re a parent who has ever been told to put down their phone, read on to discover how you can create meaningful connections with your child and strengthen your relationship.
Impact of excessive phone usage by parents
1. Parent-child bonding gets affected.
When parents are constantly on their phones, they may not be fully present during family activities or conversations. This can reduce the quality of the time that parents spend with their children. Excessive phone usage can lead to less engagement between parents and children. Children may feel neglected or ignored when their parents are always on their phones.
Emotional connections between parents and children can suffer when parents prioritize their phones over their children. Trust reduces. Children may feel that their parents are not trustworthy or dependable when they are always on their phones. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and can damage the parent-child relationship.
Also, children may feel stressed when they perceive that their parents are not paying enough attention to them. This can lead to behavioral problems and can make it harder for parents to manage their children’s emotions.
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2. Child’s emotional wellbeing gets affected.
The impact of excessive phone usage on parent-child relationships can affect a child’s emotional wellbeing. When parents are constantly on their phones, it can create feelings of neglect, frustration, and disconnection in their children. When parents use their smartphones excessively, they may become distracted and less responsive to their children’s needs, which can create feelings of neglect or emotional disconnection in children.
Research has shown that children who perceive their parents as being distracted by technology may experience emotional and behavioral problems, have trouble sleeping, and struggle with social skills.
Research has also suggested that children of parents who frequently use their smartphones may experience higher levels of stress and anxiety, which can have negative effects on their emotional wellbeing. Children may feel ignored or unimportant if their parents are always on their phones, which can create a sense of rejection or sadness.
Moreover, excessive smartphone usage by parents can also affect the quality of the parent-child relationship. Children may feel less close to their parents and may struggle with attachment issues. When parents prioritize their smartphones over spending quality time with their children, it can create a sense of emotional distance that can be difficult to overcome.
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3. Child develops poor emotional intelligence.
There is some evidence to suggest that excessive phone usage can be connected to poor emotional intelligence, particularly in young people. Emotional intelligence involves the ability to identify, understand, and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
When people use their phones excessively, they may become more disconnected from their emotions and less aware of the emotions of others. This can lead to a decrease in emotional intelligence, as people may struggle to regulate their own emotions or empathize with others.
Moreover, excessive phone usage may also interfere with the development of social skills, which are closely linked to emotional intelligence. When people spend a lot of time on their phones, they may have fewer opportunities to engage in face-to-face social interactions, which can limit their ability to practice important social skills such as reading nonverbal cues or managing conflicts.
So if parents have poor emotional intelligence, they become poor role models for their children. There is evidence to suggest that parents with poor emotional intelligence may be more likely to raise children with poor emotional intelligence, as parents are a child’s primary model for emotional regulation and social interaction. Children learn from their parents, and excessive phone usage can set a poor example for healthy screen-time habits. Children may be more likely to develop problematic phone habits themselves if their parents are always on their phones.
When parents struggle with self-regulation, they may have difficulty teaching their children effective self-regulation strategies or modeling appropriate emotional responses. This can create a cycle of poor emotional intelligence, where children learn maladaptive emotional behaviors from their parents and struggle to develop their own emotional regulation skills.
Moreover, children of parents with poor emotional intelligence may also be more likely to experience adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), such as neglect or abuse, which can have a significant impact on their emotional development. ACEs can interfere with the development of secure attachment relationships, which are critical for the development of emotional regulation and social skills.
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Tips to strike the balance between using phone and engaging with children
So, how can parents stay present and engaged with their children while still utilizing technology? Here are some strategies:
1. Set boundaries
Boundaries are a way of establishing rules or guidelines that help regulate how and when technology is used around your children. Create family rules that will be applicable for all family members. Set designated times during the day where technology is not allowed, such as during meal times or before bed. This will help create space for uninterrupted parent-child interactions.
When setting boundaries, consistency is crucial in enforcing boundaries and helping your children understand that the rules apply to everyone.
Involve your children in the process of setting boundaries. Ask for their input on what they think is a reasonable amount of screen time, and discuss why it’s important to limit technology use.
While it’s important to set boundaries, it’s also important to be flexible and willing to adjust them as your children grow and their needs change.
Explain the reasoning behind the boundaries. Explaining why you are setting boundaries can help your child understand the importance of limiting screen time. Talk to them about the impact of excessive screen time on their health, social skills, and academic performance.
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2. Practice mindful usage
Be mindful of how and when you use technology around your children. Mindful usage means being aware of how and why you’re using technology and being intentional about the time you spend online. If you need to respond to an urgent email, explain why you need to use your phone briefly and when you’ll be done.
When you’re spending time with your family or friends, be present and engaged in the moment. Put your phone away and give your full attention to the people around you.
Avoid multitasking. Avoid using your phone while doing other activities, such as watching TV or eating. This can lead to distraction and a lack of mindfulness.
Turn off notifications on your devices to avoid constant interruptions and distractions. This can help you focus on the task at hand and be more present in your daily life.
Practice self-reflection. Take time to reflect on your technology use and how it makes you feel. Consider how technology affects your mood, productivity, and relationships, and make changes as needed.
3. Create technology-free zones
Creating technology-free zones is an effective way to establish boundaries around technology use both inside and outside the home. Here are some tips on how to create technology-free zones:
The first step in creating technology-free zones is to identify the areas in your home where you want to limit technology use. This could include areas like the dinner table, bedrooms, play rooms, or family rooms.
Once you have identified the areas, establish clear rules around technology use in those spaces. Make sure everyone in the household is aware of the rules and the consequences of breaking them.
Plan alternative activities to do in the technology-free zones, such as board games, books, or art supplies. Encourage family members to engage in conversation, play games, or do activities together.
Also designate outdoor spaces as technology-free zones as well. Create a space in your backyard or at a local park where your family can spend time without the distractions of technology. Encourage physical activity in these technology-free zones. Go for a family walk, play catch, or have a picnic in a designated area free from technology.
4. Engage in screen-free activities.
Find activities that you can enjoy with your child that don’t involve screens. Here are some ideas for screen free activities.
- Board games: Board games are a classic screen-free activity that can be enjoyed by the whole family. Whether you prefer strategy games, word games, or classic games like Monopoly or Scrabble, board games offer a fun and engaging way to spend time together.
- Arts and crafts: Get creative with arts and crafts projects. Whether it’s painting, drawing, or making collages, art projects can be a great way to unwind and express yourself.
- Reading: Reading is a great way to relax and escape into a different world. Pick a book you’ve been wanting to read or start a book club with your family or friends.
- Outdoor activities: Get outside and enjoy nature with activities like hiking, biking, or camping. Spending time in nature can be a great way to unplug and reconnect with the world around you.
- Cooking or baking: Cooking or baking can be a fun and rewarding screen-free activity. Choose a recipe and make a meal or dessert together as a family.
- Exercise or yoga: Exercise or yoga can be a great way to destress and improve your physical health. There are plenty of free resources online to get started with yoga or exercise routines.
- Volunteer: Volunteering is a rewarding way to give back to your community and connect with others. Look for local volunteer opportunities that align with your interests.
5. Practice active listening
Active listening is a skill that involves fully engaging with and understanding the speaker. It’s an essential communication skill that can help build stronger relationships and create a deeper understanding between parents and children. When your child is talking to you, put down your phone and actively listen to what they’re saying. Show interest in their stories, ask questions, and engage in conversation.
Repeat back what your child is saying to you in your own words to show that you understand and to clarify any misunderstandings. Don’t interrupt. Allow your child to finish speaking before responding. Interrupting can make your child feel like they aren’t being heard.
Acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings. Let them know that you understand how they feel and that their emotions are important.
Be patient. Children may take longer to express themselves or may need time to process their thoughts. Be patient and give your child the time they need to communicate effectively.
Avoid distractions. Turn off the TV or put your phone away while you are talking with your child. Avoid any distractions that may take away from your focus on the conversation.
By following these strategies, you can create meaningful connections with your children and strengthen their relationships. When children feel heard, valued, and appreciated, they are more likely to thrive emotionally, socially, and academically.
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Conclusion: “Mumma, keep your phone away”
In conclusion, while technology has many benefits, it’s essential to be mindful of how we use it around our children. By setting boundaries, practicing mindful usage, engaging in screen-free activities, and modeling the behavior we want to see in our children, we can create a healthy balance between technology and our responsibilities as caregivers.
So, the next time your child says “Mumma, keep your phone away,” use it as an opportunity to reconnect and engage with them in a meaningful way.
