It’s no secret that the bond between parent and child is special.
But, practically, we have observed many parents and kids lose their closeness as the kid grows up.
Why is that?
It’s because of the lack of understanding of what the kid is going through at each stage and how the parent can help them out during that time.
It’s the lack of common things that you both can enjoy together. Let’s face it, they might not like our stories and we theirs.
So, what can we do?
The secret lies in bonding with your child. Most experts agree that the key to maintaining a strong bond with your child as they age is communication.
It’s important to keep the lines of communication open and to talk about anything and everything, even if it’s difficult.
Here’s a guide on how to keep the bond strong with your child as they grow, based on their age.
I. Understanding Bonding
Bonding refers to the deep and meaningful connection that forms between a parent or caregiver and a child. It is an emotional attachment that develops over time through consistent and nurturing interactions. Bonding goes beyond simply meeting a child’s physical needs; it encompasses creating a secure and loving environment where the child feels valued, understood, and supported.
Elements of bonding with your child
- Trust: Trust is the foundation of a strong parent-child bond. It involves creating a safe and secure environment where the child feels confident and protected. Trust is built through consistent responsiveness, reliability, and meeting the child’s needs with sensitivity.
- Emotional connection: Bonding involves establishing a deep emotional connection with your child. This connection is nurtured through positive interactions, empathy, and understanding. It includes being attuned to your child’s emotions, validating their feelings, and providing comfort and reassurance.
- Attachment: Attachment refers to the strong emotional and psychological bond that develops between a child and their primary caregiver. It is essential for a child’s healthy social and emotional development. Attachment is built through sensitive and responsive caregiving, creating a sense of security and a safe base from which the child can explore the world.
Factors influencing bonding with your child
- Time spent together: Spending quality time with your child is crucial for bonding. It involves dedicating uninterrupted time to engage, play, and connect with your child. Regular one-on-one time allows for building a strong parent-child relationship and creating lasting memories.
- Communication: Effective communication plays a vital role in bonding. It involves active listening, open and honest conversations, and understanding your child’s thoughts and feelings. Clear and respectful communication strengthens the parent-child connection and fosters mutual understanding.
- Shared experiences: Engaging in shared experiences and activities strengthens the bond between parent and child. Whether it’s reading together, going on outings, or participating in hobbies, shared experiences create opportunities for connection, shared interests, and creating cherished memories.
II. Importance of Parent-child Bonding
The bond between a parent and child is of utmost importance for the healthy development and well-being of the child. This bond is characterized by love, trust, and emotional connection, and it plays a crucial role in shaping the child’s overall growth and future relationships. Here are some reasons why parent-child bonding is essential:
1. Emotional security
When children have a strong bond with their parents, they feel emotionally secure. They know they have a safe space to express their feelings, seek comfort, and receive support during challenging times. This emotional security fosters their self-esteem, resilience, and ability to form healthy relationships with others.
Recommended reading: What Being “Emotionally Available” to Kids Means?
2. Healthy attachment
A strong parent-child bond forms the foundation for a healthy attachment. Secure attachment promotes positive social and emotional development, as children learn to trust, communicate, and regulate their emotions effectively. It provides a sense of stability and helps children explore the world with confidence.
3. Communication and trust
A close bond between parents and children facilitates open and effective communication. It allows for the development of trust and honesty in the parent-child relationship. When children feel heard and understood, they are more likely to share their thoughts, concerns, and experiences, enabling parents to provide appropriate guidance and support.
4. Academic success
Parent-child bonding positively influences a child’s academic success. When children feel supported and valued by their parents, they are more motivated to learn, engage in educational activities, and seek assistance when needed. The encouragement and involvement of parents in their child’s educational journey significantly contribute to their achievements and overall academic development.
5. Positive behavior and self-regulation
A strong parent-child bond promotes positive behavior and self-regulation in children. When parents provide consistent guidance, set boundaries, and model appropriate behavior, children learn important life skills such as empathy, self-control, and problem-solving. They are more likely to exhibit respectful behavior, manage their emotions effectively, and make responsible decisions.
6. Lifelong connection
The bond between a parent and child is a lifelong connection that continues to evolve over time. A strong parent-child relationship provides a solid foundation for a lifelong connection built on love, support, and understanding. This connection becomes an enduring source of comfort, guidance, and strength for both parent and child.
Investing time and effort in building a strong parent-child bond is invaluable. It not only enhances the well-being and development of the child but also enriches the parent’s experience of parenthood. It is a precious and rewarding journey that fosters love, growth, and lifelong connection.
Recommended reading: 12 Positive Parenting Tips For Millennial Parents
III. Activities to Strengthen the Bond with Your Child
1. Playtime
Explore the power of play in bonding and creating joyful memories. Engaging in playtime with your child is a wonderful way to strengthen the parent-child bond. Whether it’s imaginative play, board games, or outdoor activities, play fosters a sense of connection, joy, and shared experiences. It allows you to enter your child’s world, showing them that you value their interests and enjoy spending time together.
2. Quality time
Bonding doesn’t always require elaborate activities; it can happen in everyday moments. Taking advantage of everyday routines such as mealtime, bedtime, or even car rides provides opportunities for meaningful connection. Use these moments to engage in conversations, share stories, or simply enjoy each other’s company. Being fully present and attentive during these times helps nurture the parent-child bond.
3. Shared interests
Discovering and nurturing shared hobbies and interests with your child can strengthen your bond. Find activities that you both enjoy, such as cooking, crafting, sports, or music. Engaging in these shared hobbies not only builds a deeper connection but also allows for collaboration, mutual learning, and the creation of lasting memories.
4. Family traditions
Family traditions play a vital role in creating a sense of belonging and togetherness. Establishing traditions, such as weekly game nights, holiday rituals, or annual vacations, provide opportunities for shared experiences and strengthen the parent-child bond over time. These traditions create a sense of stability, identity, and anticipation, fostering a strong family connection.
Recommended reading: Why Family Rituals are Crucial: Creating Lasting Memories
5. Active listening
Active listening is a powerful tool for building a strong parent-child bond. When your child feels heard and understood, it deepens their trust and strengthens the emotional connection. Practice active listening by giving your child your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and responding empathetically. By showing genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings, you create an open and supportive space for communication.
By incorporating these activities into your daily life, you can actively strengthen the parent-child bond. Remember, it’s the quality of the interactions and the genuine connection that matters most.
IV. An Age-by-age Guide To Bonding With Your Child
Age 0 – 3 years
This is the stage where your bond will be the strongest.
You are your child’s everything–their protector, provider, and caregiver. They rely on you for everything and look to you for emotional support.
From infancy to 3 years is the most crucial time for bonding because it’s the age of brain development. And evidence has shown that a good emotional bond forged during this time can be the foundation for your child growing into a happy and resilient adult.
Everything they see fascinates them. Learn to indulge in that innocent fascination and see the world through your kid’s eyes.
Here are some things you can do:
- Made everyday things like bathing and eating fun.
- Indulge in physical displays of affection.
- Read them stories.
- Play with them.
- Express care and show them they are safe.
Age 4 – 8 years
Oh, the restless phase!
It might be difficult to keep up with them during this time as they are full of energy and constantly on the move.
Their cognitive skills are also improving at this stage.
Want to bond with a kid of this age?
The best way is to just play with them.
You can play games that involve role-playing like ‘house’ or ‘restaurant’. You can also play outdoor games like running or catching.
Let your kid pick the game and be the one guiding. They will feel in control and you will get to know them better.
You can also read together at this age.
Age 9 – 12 years
This is the age where kids become more independent and want to do things on their own.
They also make new friends, which means they have less time for you.
It’s important to continue to spend quality time with your child, but also to give them the space they need to grow and explore. Be it new hobbies, sports or skills.
What you can do is show up to all events or competitions they take part in and offer encouraging comments. Listen to the stories about their experience.
Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings freely. Try to be understanding and patient during this stage.
One way to bond with a pre-teen is to take on a new activity together, such as cooking, hiking, or biking.
This way, you can spend time together while also doing something that they’re interested in.
At this age, it’s crucial to have and normalize tough conversations on various topics like drugs, alcohol, sex, online safety, etc.
Age 13 – 16 years
Entering the tough phase!
Teens are moody.
This is the age where kids pull away from their parents and become more independent.
They might seem like they’re not interested in spending time with you.
And many take it as a fact that kids detach from parents at this age. But it doesn’t have to be.
In fact, studies have shown that healthy emotional attachment with parents during teenage can prevent kids from problems like depression, eating disorders, substance abuse, risky behaviors, etc.
It’s important to be understanding and patient during this stage.
They are going through a lot of changes and they’re trying to figure out who they are. A lot of new things are happening from bodily changes to first crushes.
This can put them on the edge and cause outbursts.
The best way to bond with a teen is to give them the space they need while also being there for them when they need you.
It’s also important to have regular conversations with your teen about what’s going on in their life.
Ask them about their day, their friends, and their interests.
Let them know that you’re there for them no matter what.
Recommended reading: Here’s why Your Child Is Not Listening To You
Recommended reading: 7 Practical Tips to Strengthen Father-Son Relationship
Age 16+ years
This is the age where kids become young adults and prepare for independence.
They might move out of your house or go away to college after an in-depth college search.
Even if they’re not physically present, it’s important to stay connected with them and continue to nurture the bond you have.
Treating them as kids (to feel like a needed parent) is only going to push them away.
Let them in on all the adult conversation in the house. They will feel more grown-up and respected.
Have healthy communication even if they’re not living under your roof.
Check-in on them regularly and see how they’re doing.
Plan family vacations or weekend getaways so you can spend time together.
How to Find Time to Engage in Activities for Bonding with Your Child?
Finding time for parent-child bonding activities can be challenging in our busy lives, but it is crucial for building a strong and meaningful relationship with your child. Here are some tips to help you find time for these special moments:
1. Prioritize
Stop being an absent parent. Make bonding activities a priority by recognizing their importance in your child’s development. Set aside specific times in your schedule dedicated to bonding with your child and treat them as non-negotiable.
2. Create routines
Incorporate bonding activities into your daily or weekly routines. It could be reading a bedtime story together, having meals as a family, or going for a walk after dinner. By making it a part of your regular routine, you ensure consistent quality time with your child.
3. Be present
The pervasive presence of technology can hinder bonding experiences between parents and children. When you spend time with your child, be fully present and engaged. Put away distractions like phones, work, or household chores, and give your undivided attention to your child. Quality over quantity matters, so even short periods of focused time can make a significant impact. It’s crucial to set boundaries and create technology-free zones or times. Establish designated periods where devices are put away, allowing for uninterrupted interaction and engagement. Be a role model by demonstrating healthy technology habits and encouraging alternative activities that promote connection and bonding.
Recommended reading: “Mumma, Keep Your Phone Away”
4. Be flexible
Adapt your bonding activities to fit into your schedule. It doesn’t have to be a grand outing or a lengthy activity. Find simple, enjoyable activities that can be done in shorter bursts of time, such as playing a quick game, doing a puzzle, or having a conversation during car rides.
5. Involve your child
Make your child feel valued. Let your child be a part of the planning process. Ask for their input and ideas on activities they would like to do together. By involving them, you create a sense of ownership and excitement, making the bonding time even more special for both of you.
6. Multitask creatively
Look for opportunities to bond while accomplishing other tasks. For example, involve your child in meal preparation or household chores, where you can talk, laugh, and work together.
Remember, it’s not about the quantity of time but the quality of the interactions. Even small moments of connection and bonding can have a significant impact on your parent-child relationship. Be intentional, make the most of the time you have, and cherish the moments spent with your child.
Conclusion: Bonding With Your Child
Bonding with your child is an important part of their development. It helps them feel loved and supported.
Use the tips above to bond with your child at every stage of their life.
