Raising a daughter requires lots of courage and knowledge in our society. Yes, courage. Courage because a daughter’s identity in our society is so fragile as to get affected by small things they do or say.
And knowledge because without that, parents won’t understand the value of raising daughters as a defiant identity of a patriarchal society. One of the crucial parts of raising daughters is instilling them with the right thoughts. If they grow up with thoughts like equality, they will never settle for less.
So how can the right perspectives be instilled in daughters?
How can daughters’ thought processes be developed?
Thoughts develop by what a person hears or watches around them. Similarly, daughters’ thought processes will develop when they hear and see the right things. Parents need to teach and tell their daughters about equality. They should refrain from traditional parenting which is smothered with a patriarchal mindset. So, here are a few things that parents should never tell their daughters or allow any other parent to do the same.
1. Don’t talk back. That’s not what good girls do.
In our society, women are never expected to respond to what someone says, especially when it is something they disagree with. Many parents frown upon their daughters when they express their or talk back to elders. But when negotiating and disagreeing is everyone’s right, then why should daughters be deprived of it?
Talking back helps daughters to put out their views and be heard by people. These two attributes are crucial to validate the existence and importance of a person. And daughters very well deserve that. Remember being opinionated is not a bad thing.
Recommended reading: 5 Tips To Raise Your Daughters As Confident Women
Recommended reading: Say No To Gender Based Parenting
2. Daughters are someone else’s property. Their real home is their husband’s home.
The concept of paraya dhan is very old and yet very relevant in our society. There is a popular saying that daughters are plants of someone else’s garden which is watered and taken care of by their parents. Every daughter is told that one day they will have to go to their husband’s house, which will be their real home and real family. They are always alienated in the home where they are born and spend their childhood. But is this fair?
Must daughters be indoctrinated with beliefs that their parents are not their real families?
Wouldn’t this affect daughters mentally and emotionally?
Wouldn’t it confuse them?
Every person has the right over their parental home and parental family. Just like sons are considered ghar ka chirag, daughters too should also have equal rights.
3. Learn to cook because you are a girl.
Gender roles are very common in upbringing of boys and girls in our society. Boys are taught to do rough and manly things, while girls are expected to do seemingly easy and delicate things. Similarly, girls are taught to cook because it is considered an easy task and hence suitable for women.
But dear society, cooking is neither easy nor a woman’s duty alone. It is a life skill that both sons and daughters should learn.
Dear parents, do you even know how the pressure of cooking and being a model of a good future wife or bahu affects women’s education and overall wellbeing?
According to National Family Health Survey-5, 21,800 girls from urban and rural areas dropped out of schools, and assisting and learning housework was one of the primary reasons behind it.
Why is cooking more important than a daughter’s right to study?
4. Don’t wear such clothes.
Often, parents restrict their daughters from wearing fewer clothes because they think clothes are responsible for the erosion of a woman’s character and safety. But dear parents, let me tell you, according to a survey of 2013, “48 percent of (rape) victims were wearing salwar kurta, 41 percent were clad in sari and 11 percent of toddlers wore frocks and pajamas at the time of the incident.” So let us understand that clothes do not invite danger; a patriarchal mindset does.
Recommended reading: Be a Part of the Beauty Conversation with Your Daughter
Recommended reading: The First Bra Guide: When and How to Buy Your Daughter’s First Bra
It is crucial for parents to shed their patriarchal mindsets and give daughters an equal and good upbringing as they do for their sons. Daughters should not be deprived of their basic rights just because of their gender. Gender roles and stigmas are social constructs and not realities that daughters can build if they are empowered. So never say these to your daughter. Give your daughters a good upbringing and see the heights they touch!