Stop saying “You’re so smart!”. Here’s why

We all want to praise our children and make them feel good about themselves. However, the way we choose to praise them can have unintended consequences on their mindset and behavior. Labels are harmful for your child. Saying “You’re so smart!” or “You’re so talented!” can be harmful because it reinforces the belief that abilities are fixed traits that cannot be improved upon. This can lead to a fear of failure and a lack of resilience when faced with challenges.

On the other hand, praising effort encourages a growth mindset, which means your child believes they can improve their abilities through hard work and practice. By praising effort, you show your child that success is a result of their actions, not just their inherent talents.

Here are some reasons why you should stop saying “You’re so smart!” and start praising effort instead:

1. It Encourages a Growth Mindset

When you praise effort, you show your child that their success is a result of their hard work and persistence. This can help them develop a growth mindset, which means they believe that they can improve their abilities with practice and effort. This mindset can lead to greater motivation, resilience, and a willingness to take on challenges.

2. It Reduces the Fear of Failure

When children are praised for being “smart” or “talented,” they may develop a fear of failure because they believe that their abilities are fixed traits. This can lead to a lack of resilience and a reluctance to take on challenges. However, when children are praised for their effort, they are more likely to embrace challenges and view failure as an opportunity to learn and grow.

3. It Helps Develop a Strong Work Ethic

Praising effort can help children develop a strong work ethic because they learn that success is a result of their actions. When children understand that their effort and hard work are directly tied to their success, they are more likely to be motivated to work hard and persist through challenges.

4. It Fosters a Positive Relationship with Learning

When children are praised for their effort, they are more likely to develop a positive relationship with learning. They understand that learning is a process that takes time and effort, and that mistakes are a natural part of the learning process. This can lead to a lifelong love of learning and a willingness to take on new challenges.

Recommended reading: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Critic?

In conclusion, praising effort is a more effective way to encourage and motivate children than praising innate abilities. By praising effort, you help your child develop a growth mindset, reduce the fear of failure, develop a strong work ethic, and foster a positive relationship with learning. So, the next time your child does something impressive, instead of saying “You’re so smart!”, try praising their effort instead.