We want our kids to be happy. As much as possible.
And we go to great lengths to make them happy.
But sometimes, in our efforts to make our kids happy, we actually end up doing more harm than good.
Sometimes, the things we do to make our kids happy can have the opposite effect. They can backfire and leave our kids feeling worse than they did before.
Here are a few examples of things we do to make our kids happy that can actually end up making them unhappy in the long run:
1. Coddling them and not letting them experience disappointment or frustration
Yes, disappointment and frustration are difficult emotions. But they are also realities of life. And our kids need to learn how to deal with them.
If we coddle our kids and try to protect them from experiencing any negative emotions, we are actually doing them a disservice.
We are not preparing them for the real world. We are teaching them that they should expect life to be easy and free of any hardships.
2. Giving them everything they want
Another thing we do in our efforts to make our kids happy is to give them everything they want.
We want them to have the best of everything. The latest toys, the coolest clothes, the newest gadgets.
But again, this can backfire.
When we give our kids everything they want, we are not teaching them the value of hard work or of delayed gratification. We are also setting them up for a life of entitlement, where they expect to get everything they want without having to work for it.
3. Doing everything for them
I have caught myself wanting to do my kids’ projects because they seem too hard for them.
But it’s their job, right?
Even when we know this, we might find it hard to not step in and help them.
We tend to clean up after them, do their homework for them, make their beds for them and so on
But what are we teaching them by doing this?
We are teaching them that they don’t have to be responsible for themselves. W taking away their opportunity to learn how to do things on their own.
4. Constantly praising them
Finally, we try to make our kids happy by constantly praising them.
‘You’re so smart.’
‘My baby is the most talented!”‘
‘You’re the best-behaved kid in the world!’
While it’s important to praise our kids, we need to be careful that we are not overdoing it.
If we are constantly praising our kids, they will believe that they can do no wrong. They can become cocky and arrogant.
And when they inevitably make a mistake, they will not know how to deal with it because they have never been told that they are anything less than perfect.
Or they might end up becoming overly reliant on external validation and always needing to be praised to feel good about themselves.
So next time you find yourself trying to make your kids happy, stop and ask yourself if what you’re doing is really in their best interest. Sometimes, the things we do to make our kids happy can actually end up making them unhappy in the long run.
