Puberty is a difficult phase for both parents and the kids. The kids are going through physical and mental changes that they struggle to understand. And as parents, you are faced with challenging questions when you start talking to your daughter about periods. Also, there are a lot of tantrums to manage.
Then there is preparing our daughters for mensuration.
Just like your child will have a hundred questions, I’m sure you have a ton of questions in your mind. What should I say? How do I say it? Should I give all the details? Cook up some stories?
Take a deep breath. We have answers to all those questions here. We will share everything about talking to your daughter about periods.
How to Start Talking to Your Daughter About Her First Period
1. Start early
Don’t wait until your daughter starts menstruating to educate her about it.
It is best to start talking about it as early as age 6. Remember, menstruation isn’t a topic that you should cover in one sitting. Awareness about this should be created over a series of conversations.
So, the first conversation can be as simple as ‘mom gets something called periods every month, and during that time, I bleed for three days, and it’s normal.’ You can elaborate on it on different occasions or when you are asked questions. But don’t hesitate to be the conversation starter and encourage your child to ask questions.
Over time, explain that every woman has it and that it is how children are born. It’s okay if they don’t grasp the entire process. The goal is to provide them with real information before they are exposed to stereotypes, or myths.
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2. Create a positive narrative
When you start talking about periods, make sure that you give them a positive narrative.
We ourselves might have some negative feelings towards menstruation as it causes pain or because we have been conditioned in the same way when we were growing up. But we must ensure that we do not impart that negativity on our children.
Let them know that period is a natural process that occurs every month or so, and it is not a disease. It is our body’s way of regulating itself and preparing to have kids.
Periods don’t make a person impure, it’s not a curse, and it’s nothing to be ashamed about. When you make this clear for your daughter, she will be able to stand her ground when someone says otherwise.
3. Cover all bases
Uterus, ovaries, shedding of the uterine lining, etc., are just the biological story of menstruation. While this is an important topic to be discussed, make sure that you also cover all the practical aspects.
Starting from when can your daughter expect your first period to what to do if it comes unannounced when they are in school. Knowing answers is what’s going to help them tackle practical situations. Talk to them about seeking out help from their teachers and fellow students, teach them to fashion a pad out of toilet paper in case of emergencies and so on.
Again, these can’t be covered in a single conversation. So, plan a series of conversations around it. If you have covered one solid topic this time, open a question about the next topic and tell them that you will discuss it soon.
One thing that can wait is the possibility of having a painful period. That part can be dealt with if necessary, as addressing it earlier might cause them to fear periods more.
4. Everyone’s different
Kids discuss things. And they might discuss menstruation too.
In that hyperaware age, a little difference from that of their peers might seem like an abnormality to them.
“Why is it happening only to me?”
“Is something wrong with me?”
These kinds of questions are quite normal to get during puberty. So, it is important to let our girls know beforehand that everyone’s experience with periods is different. Some might have a 7-day cycle, while others have a 4-day cycle. For one, the first menstruation can happen at 10 years, and another girl might not get it until 15 years.
Let them know that it is okay and normal. Encourage them to ask you questions if they feel anything about them is abnormal or different. Let them know you had similar questions when you were their age and that you can understand their concerns.
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5. Explore period products with them
We have a variety of period products available now – sanitary pads, tampons, cups, period panties, etc.
Instead of deciding what they should use, let them know about all the options available and give them the power to try and choose for themselves. Openly discuss the pros and cons of each product.
Most kids might not be comfortable inserting tampons or cups in the beginning, and that’s okay. Let them know they can always switch to different products down the lane.
More importantly, teach them the hygiene factors of using the product that they choose. For example, if they choose to go with pads, they should know how often to change them and how to dispose of it off correctly.
Fears To Answer when You Start Talking About Periods
Menstruation is a scary thing for kids. So, as mothers, we have to address their fears. Here are the most common ones and how to answer them.
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What if the blood leaks and gets on my dress?
This is the common fear of school kids and a very valid one. When talking to your daughter about periods, reassure them that it’s okay and advise them to carry a safety kit with fresh panties and pads. In case there are stains, they can change into fresh panty, and if the stain is in the dress, they can loosen the school backpack straps to cover it until they get home.
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Fear of blood
Fear of blood is very common in the initial times, especially because they have no clear sense of how much blood actually comes out. In an average period, it is about 2-3 tablespoons of blood. You can use water and spoon to demonstrate visually how much that is so that your daughter is reassured.
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‘What if I get it in school?’
Anticipation of periods until the cycle is regularized is difficult. Ask them to look out for a wet and sticky feeling. Advice them to have a pad always at hand. And tell them that in any case, the teachers are there to help her, and she can approach them for this.
For answers to more such questions, check out the period guide by Menstrupedia.
Bust Myths When You Start Talking About Periods
There are too many myths around periods like
- Periods are impure/bad thing
- Girls can’t do physical activities during periods
- Skipping a period means they are pregnant
Make sure that you bust these myths for your daughter when talking to your daughter about periods. Tell them that they shouldn’t believe everything they hear about menstruation from their friends, especially the ones who try to bully them.
And whenever they come to you with a myth, sit with them and explain the real facts. If you think you might be believing in some myths, do educate yourself first on the relevant topics before you address them with your daughter.
Conclusion: Start Talking About Periods
Our goal is to normalize menstruation and prepare children to be able to handle menstruation when it comes. While it might seem a daunting task, creating confidence in children is very important. Be understanding of your child’s feelings and reassure them that it is all normal. Also, let them know that they can come to you with any doubts and questions without hesitation.
