No, I’m not talking just about the negative comments!
I’m talking about the “oh, she’s so skinny!” or the “he’s got your nose!” comments.
And also the “you’re so tall!” or the “you have such long eyelashes!” comments.
We’ve all been there. We’re out in public, and someone makes a comment about our child’s appearance. It can be a compliment or it can be an insult, but either way, it can be really tough to know how to respond.
Is it okay to comment on children’s appearance?
The short answer is ‘it’s unnecessary.’
We live in a society that already places too much emphasis on physical appearance, so why add to that pressure?
However, I understand people mean well and sometimes it’s hard to resist the urge to comment.
But what these comments can do to our kids?
Well, for starters, it can make them self-conscious.
If we’re constantly pointing out how skinny they are or how big their nose is, they’re going to believe that those things are wrong with them. And even if we don’t mean it negatively, it can still have a negative effect.
It can also make them vain. If we’re always telling them how pretty they are or how handsome they look, they might think that their looks are the most important thing about them. And that’s not healthy either.
So what should we do instead?
Boundaries!
Let’s set some boundaries when it comes to someone making comments about your child’s appearance. We can do this in a few different ways.
1. We can simply stop commenting on their appearance altogether.
This includes both compliments and insults. If we don’t say anything, they won’t think anything is wrong.
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2. We can redirect the conversation.
If someone else brings up our child’s appearance, we can quickly change the subject.
For example, if someone says, “Wow, your son is so skinny!” we can say, “I know! He’s always been a bit on the small side. But he’s really active and eats really well, so we’re not worried.”
Or if someone says, “Your daughter is so pretty!” we can say, “Thanks! She’s a beautiful person at heart too.”
You can even openly tell the person that you don’t feel comfortable talking about your child’s appearance.
3. We can teach our kids to do the same.
If children hear someone making comments about your child’s appearance, they can say something like, “That’s not necessary” or “I’m not comfortable with that.”
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4. We can educate the people around us.
If we have family or friends who are constantly making comments about our children’s appearance, we can gently remind them it’s unnecessary and ask them to please stop.
It might take a bit of time, but eventually, they’ll get the message.
It’s up to us to set the tone with commenting on our children’s appearance.
Let’s make sure that we’re not adding to the pressure that children already feel. Instead, let’s teach them to be confident about who they are, no matter what they look like on the outside.
