Parenting is probably the most challenging and rewarding thing we might do with our lives.
But I have been terrified, especially with maintaining discipline at home. I have worried a lot about my methods of ensuring my kid is behaving well.
What if I’m doing it wrong?
And more importantly, is there a better way to do this?
That’s when I came across positive parenting strategies. And I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I say it positively changed my life!
What is positive parenting?
The word ‘positive’ just seems to be used everywhere these days.
But what does it mean in parenting?
Does it mean you mention nothing negative? Or does it mean you don’t get to punish your child even if their behavior isn’t acceptable?
Well, positive parenting isn’t about just being positive all the time.
It is the ideology that you can bring up a child as a self-sufficient and self-aware human by encouraging positive behavior and traits over trying to forcefully stop your kid from doing bad things.
And yes, you can observe positive parenting and still reprimand the kid for misbehaving. But your entire approach towards making them understand right and wrong is going to be different when you practice positive parenting.
Did you notice I use the terms ‘observe’ and ‘practice’ for positive parenting instead of use?
It’s because positive parenting tips aren’t tools you use for a particular situation and then keep it away. It’s an attitude towards parenting that you have to integrate into your life.
And trust me when I say this, you and your kid are going to be so grateful for the concept of positive parenting.
Why?
Because when you practice the positive parenting tips discussed below, you will provide your child with an environment to thrive; to be self-sufficient; to distinguish between good and bad; to have compassion and gratitude.
You will make them feel safe, secure, and confident with you so that they trust you with things that kids rarely go to their parents for.
As a result, not only does your kid grow up to be a mature individual, but it also helps you to create a strong bond between the two of you. It will boost your child’s mental health and wellbeing.
Why is positive parenting effective?
Positive parenting isn’t just an ideology. It has been scientifically proven to be effective in raising well-rounded kids.
But what makes it so effective?
It is effective because it puts kids’ emotional needs at the center stage and help us understand where our kids are coming from. By paying attention to that, we can cater to kids’ needs and emotions better.
According to research, positive parenting leads to better emotional regulation and cognitive and creative ability in the child. They also grow up to be confident, independent and have a healthy dose of self-esteem.
Positive parenting can also help reduce the chances of misbehavior.
Positive parenting tips also improves child’s mental health and wellbeing and reduces the occurrence of childhood depression and trauma.
Top 12 positive parenting tips for millennial parents
1. Set a good example
I mean, you can’t throw away the remote when you are angry and expect your kid to be a sweet little angel when things don’t go their way. Right?
When they see is what they become.
At the end of the day, you might teach them all the good things in the world, but if you aren’t walking your talk, it will not register with them.
And that kids copy us gives you the best opportunity to get them to do the right things.
Take a break or ask for a breather when they make you mad and come back to them with better composure. You’ll soon find that your kid doesn’t throw many tantrums.
As your kid grows up, talk to them about your feelings about everyday things like work, home chores or even other people. Tell them if something is bothering you and how you are tackling it.
This will give them the understanding that everybody goes through hard times and that there is a better way of tackling things. This will improve child’s mental health and wellbeing.
Recommended reading: 5 Tips To Become a Role Model For Your Kids
2. Establish a foundation of trust
Trust is the key!
Trust is the key to growing kids who can regulate themselves.
Trust is the key to making your kid self-reliant and empowered to make their own decisions.
Trust is the key to building a strong and healthy relationship with them.
It is also the key to showing them what healthy relationships look like (trusting, appreciative and present).
And how do you build a foundation of trust?
- Give options whenever possible and let them choose. Be it getting them snacks or the time they have to do the homework.
- Involve them in basic household decisions.
- When they come up with questions like, ‘what should I do in this situation?’, encourage them to come up with their own answer. When they do, just inform them of the probable reactions and let them decide if they want to go ahead with it or not.
Even if it’s something that they have to do but wouldn’t (like household chores), give them options instead of asking them to follow your orders (like letting them pick which chore they want to do and when).
Recommended reading: 7 Parenting Mistakes That Can Cause Childhood Trauma
3. Empathize with them
It’s hard.
When your toddler acts like their universe has come crashing down because an ice cream fell from their hand.
Or when your teen has a fight with their friends or makes a mistake in school that you very well know isn’t a big deal.
It’s really hard to empathize with these things because you know that in the larger scheme of things, these don’t matter. Not one bit.
But at that moment, in their world, it’s all that matters. And when you empathize with them, you show you care. You focus on their mental health and wellbeing.
Listen and reassure them that things are fine. Ask them if they would like to know what you would do in these situations instead of throwing answers and solutions for them. If they don’t want to know, that’s okay too.
Recommended reading: Teach Your Child To Be Empathetic: An Age-by-age Guide
Recommended reading: 10 Best Children’s Books On Empathy
4. Determine the source of the issue
Kids don’t act out without reasons.
If they are misbehaving, there is more to it than breaking a vase or showing an attitude to you.
Something caused them to do this. There is a trigger somewhere, and you are much better off understanding the trigger than trying to just blindly discipline the behavior.
How do you do it?
Ask questions that will make them think of why they are acting the way they are. And ask with concern and care instead of anger.
You can ask, ‘what made you angry?’ or ‘did something upset you?’ and wait for the answer.
If your kid is a teenager, encourage them to have a journal to monitor and understand where their frustrations and anger are coming from.
Recommended reading: Do You Get Triggered By Your Kids?
Recommended reading: Is Your Parenting Style Causing Aggression In Children?
5. Consider their developmental stage
Every stage of your kid’s growth is different. Their understanding level changes, and so does what bothers them and what doesn’t.
We need to keep this in mind while we are interacting with them.
For example, reasoning doesn’t really work with toddlers because they simply can’t comprehend it. So, saying that they can’t watch their favorite show because the power is gone doesn’t make a difference to them.
What works at this age is a distraction.
Same way, your teenager doesn’t care so much for your advice, but they seek to be understood. So, have a conversation with them as an equal (instead of trying to be an authority).
Considering their developmental stage will also help you adapt your parenting approach regularly as per your child’s needs.
Recommended reading: Setting Expectations For Kids the Right Way
6. Be there, for real
How many times have you caught yourself thinking of the tasks you need to get to or picking up your phone when you were spending time with your kid?
If you say never, you are lying! I’ll be honest, I’ve caught myself doing this way too many times that it’s disappointing.
But when you want to bring up your kid in a positive and trusting environment, you need to learn to be present there completely at the moment with them. Give them undivided attention during your quality time with them.
Now, how does that translate into real life?
For toddlers, it could be as simple as playing games together and repeating things they said to show that you are listening.
For older kids, you can take an interest in their lives and ask questions about things that they would be interested in. And you can also share what’s going on with you.
What does this do?
The kid learns to trust you with trivial and big things because you constantly showed up and proved that you are reliable. It boosts their mental health and wellbeing.
Recommended reading: Loneliness In Children and Its Impact On Mental Health
Recommended reading: 5 Tips To Stop Being an Absent Parent
7. Establish positive boundaries
You know, rules and boundaries can actually make the kids feel more secure instead of scaring them or making them feel restricted.
The difference lies in how we present those boundaries.
Saying ‘no’ or ordering them not to do something they genuinely have fun with (like playing video games) feels restrictive and controlling.
Suggesting an alternative/compromise instead of saying ‘no’ (how about we do 1 hour of video game and 1 hour of study?) tells them you respect their wants. This motivates them to respect your expectations.
Consistency is the key here.
From a young age, have set rules that are easy to understand but stick with them religiously. Appreciate when they obey them and show your disapproval when they don’t.
Use positive words and positive actions when establishing these boundaries and show the positive outcome that will result from following them.
Recommended reading: How To Define Your Healthy Boundaries With Your Child
9. Choose discipline over punishment
Punishment is not equal to discipline.
Seriously!
And there is a better way to punish than to yell, hit or ground our kids. There are ways that consider their mental health and wellbeing, and don’t make them feel terrified. Positive parenting tips guide you to do exactly that.
The key is to be direct yet respectful when you’re disciplining them. And, of course, be consistent with the action and consequence.
For example, instead of calling a random time out or yelling when your kid acts out, show them what they should do instead of what they did. Don’t proceed with anything else until they course-correct.
And if they are old enough to understand, you can explain the consequences and even let them decide if they want to continue or proceed with what they were doing.
But establish how you feel about the situation.
Recommended reading: Top 10 Positive Parenting Techniques For Disciplining Your Child
10. Stick to it
I think the hardest thing in any endeavor is being consistent and disciplined in sticking to it.
But it is important, here more than anywhere else, that you stick to the rules and boundaries established and react to misbehaviors predictably.
So that they know that their action has consequences and they learn to self-regulate.
Kids learn quickly. If you are making empty threats or promises, they will notice it. If you sometimes let them get their way when they throw tantrums, they are going to take their chance if they are lucky.
Hence, you need to be consistent with things you approve and disapprove of. And with things you disapprove of, pick a consequence that is easy for you to stick to.
As your kids grow up, expose them to the real consequences their actions might have.
11. Give favorable feedback
This is a crucial strategy of positive parenting.
Instead of reprimanding them when they do something wrong, jump on every opportunity to appreciate them when they do well.
It’s when they do good that you give them the most attention. And this sends an obvious message: positive actions are appreciated and rewarded.
We are social beings who constantly seek approval and appreciation. Your kids are no different, and it’s possibly the best reward they can receive.
Another thing you need to remember here is to appreciate the right thing.
When your teen scores great marks, ‘wow, my baby is so talented’ isn’t a good compliment as it appreciates what they have seemingly no control over.
Instead, appreciate their effort. Say things like, ‘I’m so proud of how much effort you put into this.’ And you can still give this positive feedback if your kid scores less but has put in the effort!
Appreciate effort over the outcome, always.
Recommended reading: Praising Children the Right Way
12. Mistakes = Opportunities to learn
And I don’t mean just their mistakes. I mean ours too.
We often act like parents don’t make mistakes and that we know everything. But we know that’s not true.
We do it to establish authority, which rarely sends a good message.
So, when:
- When your toddler misbehaves, tell them what would happen if they behaved well.
- When your kid makes a scene to get what they want, tell them the right way to convince you and explain why this isn’t the right time to get it.
- When your teen lied to you, ask them how they would feel if one they love lied to them like that.
- And when you make a mistake, accept it, apologize and make amends.
Seek opportunities to turn situations into a learning experience.
What this does is increase accountability, trust, honesty and even problem-solving capacity.
Recommended reading: 9 Tips to Develop Growth Mindset in Children
Conclusion: Positive parenting tips for millennial parents
That’s all for the positive parenting tips that have worked amazingly well and helped me ensure our mental health and wellbeing.
Once you get a hang of the concept and ideology, what to do in each situation will start coming naturally to you instead of having to remember each strategy.
Sometimes, keeping your cool and enforcing these tips can be difficult. We all have our down days, and it’s okay to slip and act out (just like our kids).
And in those times, remember strategy #7 when you calm down, and you are good!
Happy positive parenting!
Make mental health and wellbeing a priority.
Summary: Positive parenting tips for millennial parents
