Physical touch like hugs and handshakes are known to soothe and calm us in the most traumatic situations, but what if that touch itself becomes the reason for trauma. This traumatic situation is represented through researches that highlight the horrifying statistics of child sexual abuse and that both girls and boys are victims of such abuse where the majority of them were below 8 years old. At such a tender age, a child doesn’t even realize what happens with them. Therefore, as a woke parent, it becomes crucial to equip your child with the right knowledge so that they are capable of protecting themselves from such situations.
Children should be taught about good touch and bad touch, how to identify them and, what to do if they experience bad touch. The biggest hurdle any parent faces in this journey is how to get started with that conversation. We have made that step easier for you by a roadmap that will help you proceed smoothly in your journey of how exactly you should deliver those concepts to kids.
Steps to Teach Children about Good Touch and Bad Touch
1. Prepare Yourself
Sex and sexuality are considered taboo which makes Indian parents hesitant to talk about it or anything revolving around that. Most of the time, they are so ashamed that they give all different names to private parts except for their real names. So, if you are one of them, then prepare yourself first because it is important to talk to your child about sex in an age appropriate manner. Research and gather the right information, age-appropriate language for such a sensitive topic before delivering it to your child. Don’t be reluctant if your kid is very small, say two years old, as there is no minimum age to teach them about appropriate and inappropriate touch. Start teaching as soon as they start developing vocabulary and gain an understanding of language.
2. Define Good and Bad Touch
Draw clear lines between the two and what they mean. Introduce them with the ‘private’ and ‘exposed’ parts of the human body, and that those private parts cannot be touched by anyone. Make them understand that they own their body and no one has the right to touch them, except for parents, that too till a certain age and by healthcare professionals in the presence of parents only. This understanding is really important as most of the times children are abused by their close relatives and family members only.
Parents can approach this conversation with sensitivity and age-appropriate language, using examples and a talking script to help children understand the concepts. Here’s a guide on how parents can define good touch and bad touch for their children:
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Use clear and simple language
When discussing these sensitive topics, it’s important to use language that is easy for children to understand. Use words that they are familiar with and relate to their everyday experiences.
Talking Script: “Hey [child’s name], I want to talk to you about something important. Do you know that our bodies are special and belong to us? There are some touches that feel good and some that don’t. It’s important for us to understand the difference so we can keep our bodies safe.”
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Define good touch
Explain that good touch is a safe and appropriate touch that makes them feel comfortable, loved, and respected. Provide examples of good touch that children can relate to:
Talking Script: “Good touches are the ones that make us feel happy, safe, and cared for. For example, a loving hug from mom or dad, a high-five from a friend, or a gentle pat on the back from a teacher are all examples of good touches. These touches show that we are loved and supported.”
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Define bad touch
Describe bad touch as any touch that makes them feel uncomfortable, scared, or violated. Explain that certain parts of their bodies are private and should not be touched by anyone, except in specific situations.
Talking Script: “Bad touches are the ones that make us feel uncomfortable, scared, or yucky. Our private parts, like our genitals, are special and should not be touched by anyone unless it’s for health or safety reasons. Even then, it should only be done with the presence of a trusted adult, like mom or dad.”
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Provide examples of bad touch
Give age-appropriate examples of bad touches to help children understand what to watch out for. Examples may include:
– Someone touching their private parts without their permission.
– Someone touching them in a way that hurts or makes them feel uncomfortable.
– Someone trying to touch them in places that are covered by a swimsuit or underwear.
Talking Script: “Sometimes, people might try to touch our private parts without our permission, or they might touch us in a way that hurts or feels uncomfortable. If someone tries to touch you in a way that makes you feel yucky or uncomfortable, it’s important to tell a trusted adult right away.”
3. Talk Beyond Good and Bad Touch
Go a step ahead and teach kids about ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’ touch as well. While bad touch is when someone tries to touch your private areas, an unsafe touch is when people tend to touch the exposed parts in any inappropriate way. It could be either pinching, hitting, pushing harshly, tightly holding hands that it hurts you, etc. Basically, any touch that provides your child discomfort, both physically and emotionally, is an unsafe touch and is categorized as sexual abuse.
By explaining the difference between safe and unsafe touch, parents can empower their children to recognize and protect themselves from various forms of inappropriate contact. Here’s a guide on how to discuss safe and unsafe touch with children, along with examples and a talking script:
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Define safe touch
Explain that safe touch is a respectful and appropriate touch that does not cause any harm or discomfort to the child. Safe touches can include hugs from trusted family members, holding hands with a friend while crossing the road, or a gentle pat on the back from a teacher.
Talking Script: “Safe touches are the ones that make us feel comfortable, respected, and safe. For example, a gentle handshake when meeting someone new or a reassuring pat on the shoulder when we’re feeling down are examples of safe touches. These touches are meant to show care and support.”
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Define unsafe touch
Describe unsafe touch as any touch that causes discomfort, both physically and emotionally. Emphasize that it’s important for children to trust their instincts and recognize when a touch feels wrong or inappropriate. Unsafe touches can include pinching, hitting, pushing harshly, tightly holding hands that hurt, or any other touch that makes them feel uncomfortable or scared. Talk to your child about rape in an age appropriate manner.
Talking Script: “Sometimes, people may touch us in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable, scared, or hurt. These are unsafe touches, and it’s important to recognize them. If someone pinches, hits, or pushes you harshly, or if they hold your hand so tightly that it hurts, it’s not okay. It’s important to speak up and let a trusted adult know.”
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Discuss the emotional aspect
Explain that unsafe touches can also include actions or words that make them feel uncomfortable or violated emotionally. This can include someone invading their personal space, making inappropriate comments, or trying to manipulate or pressure them into doing something they don’t want to do.
Talking Script: “Unsafe touches are not just physical; they can also be things people say or do that make us feel uncomfortable or violated emotionally. If someone invades your personal space, makes inappropriate comments, or tries to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do, it’s important to remember that you have the right to say no and to tell someone you trust.”
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Reinforce the importance of speaking up
Encourage your child to communicate openly if they experience any unsafe touch. This is a crucial step to protect your child from sexual abuse. Remind them that it’s not their fault and that they should never keep it a secret. Assure them that you are there to listen, support, and protect them.
Talking Script: “If anyone ever touches you in a way that feels unsafe or makes you uncomfortable, remember that it’s not your fault. You have the right to speak up and tell someone you trust, like mom, dad, or a teacher. We will always believe you and take action to keep you safe.”
4. Talk about Personal Space
Teaching children about personal space is an essential part of helping them understand boundaries and develop a sense of autonomy over their bodies. Teach your child about consent. By explaining the concept of personal space and consent, and how it can be violated, parents can empower their children to recognize and assert their boundaries. Here’s a guide on how to teach your child about personal space, along with examples and a talking script:
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Define personal space
Explain that personal space is the area around a person’s body that belongs to them. It is a bubble of personal privacy where they feel safe and comfortable. Personal space differs from person to person, but it generally includes an arm’s length distance.
Talking Script: “Personal space is the invisible area around our bodies that belongs to us. It’s like having our own bubble of privacy. Just like we don’t like others invading our bedrooms or going through our personal things, personal space is the area around our body that we want to keep to ourselves.”
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Discuss respecting personal space
Emphasize the importance of respecting personal space and the boundaries of others. Teach your child that they should always ask for permission before entering someone else’s personal space, touching them, or using their belongings.
Talking Script: “We need to respect other people’s personal space just like we want them to respect ours. Always ask for permission before entering someone’s personal space, like giving a hug or touching their belongings. Just as we want others to respect our boundaries, we should do the same for them.”
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Explain how personal space can be violated
Give examples of situations where personal space can be violated, such as someone standing too close, touching without permission, or invading personal belongings. Help your child understand that it’s important to recognize when their personal space is being violated and to speak up.
Talking Script: “Personal space can be violated when someone stands too close to us, touches us without our permission, or goes through our personal belongings without asking. If someone is invading your personal space and it makes you uncomfortable, it’s important to let them know and ask them to back off.”
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Role-play and practice
Engage in role-playing scenarios with your child to help them understand and practice asserting their personal space boundaries. Teach them assertive phrases like “Please give me some space” or “I don’t like it when you touch me without asking.”
Talking Script: “Let’s practice some assertive phrases together. Imagine someone is standing too close to you, and you want them to give you some space. You can say, ‘Excuse me, can you please give me some space?’ Remember, it’s important to be assertive and express your feelings respectfully.”
5. Talk about Privacy
Explain to your child what privacy means and why it is important. Use age-appropriate language to help them understand that certain activities, such as changing clothes or using the bathroom, should be done in private spaces where others cannot see them.
Children register what they see around them. In an Indian household, it’s common to see men change their dress openly in front of family members. Incidents like these make children think that it is okay to be half-naked or change publicly. In order to teach them about privacy and that they should be respecting their body, parents must take care of these things.
Establish guidelines within your household regarding personal privacy. For example, you can designate specific areas where changing clothes is appropriate, such as bedrooms or bathrooms. Encourage family members to be mindful of each other’s privacy and to knock before entering someone’s personal space.
6. Teach Them about Recognizing Warning Signs
Educate children about common warning signs of bad touch. It is essential to educate children about the warning signs that may indicate a potential case of bad touch or inappropriate behavior. These warning signs can include secret-keeping, inappropriate requests, threats of harm, or any actions that make them feel uncomfortable or scared.
Explain to children that no one should ask them to keep secrets, especially if it involves touch or anything that makes them feel uneasy. Encourage them to recognize that some actions, even if they are told to keep it a secret, are not okay and should be shared with a trusted adult.
Use age-appropriate examples to illustrate these warning signs. For instance, you could explain that if someone tries to touch their private parts and tells them not to tell anyone, that is a warning sign. Similarly, if someone asks them to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable, like taking off their clothes or keeping it a secret, they should be aware that it is not right and should speak up about it.
7. Reinforcing Safety Measures
It is crucial to reinforce practical safety measures with children to further enhance their personal safety. Teach children their full name, address, and emergency contact information, such as the phone number of a trusted adult or caregiver. Explain to them the importance of memorizing this information so that they can share it when needed, especially in case of emergencies.
Provide examples to help children understand why knowing their personal information is essential. For instance, you could explain that if they were ever lost in a public place, knowing their full name and a trusted adult’s contact information would help authorities reunite them with their family quickly.
Teach children about safety rules they should follow when in public places. Emphasize the importance of sticking with a buddy, such as a trusted adult or a friend, and not wandering off alone. Explain that being with a buddy provides an extra layer of safety and support.
Give examples of public places where safety rules apply, such as parks, shopping centers, or school outings. Encourage children to stay within sight of their buddy and avoid going with strangers or accepting anything from them without permission from a trusted adult.
Reinforce the concept of stranger danger by explaining that strangers are people they do not know and that they should not trust strangers who approach them with offers or requests.
Role-play scenarios with your child to practice what they should do if they ever feel lost, uncomfortable, or approached by a stranger. Teach them to seek help from a police officer, security personnel, or a trusted adult in such situations.
8. Teach your Child What to do if Someone Touches Them Inappropriately
Teaching children what to do if someone touches them inappropriately is an essential aspect of personal safety and empowerment. By providing them with guidance and strategies, parents can help their children respond effectively and seek support. Here’s a guide on how to teach your child what to do if someone touches them inappropriately:
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Encourage open communication
Create a safe and supportive environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their feelings and experiences. Let them know they can always come to you with any concerns or questions.
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Teach them the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touch
Help your child understand that certain parts of their body are private, and no one should touch them without their permission. Explain that if someone touches them in those private areas or in a way that makes them uncomfortable, it is not okay.
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Teach assertiveness skills
Empower your child with assertive communication skills to express their boundaries and say no. Practice role-playing scenarios where someone touches them inappropriately, and teach them how to firmly say “No!” or “Stop! I don’t like that!”
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Emphasize the importance of immediate action
Instruct your child to take immediate action if someone touches them inappropriately. Encourage them to follow these steps:
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- Say no and firmly express their discomfort.
- Move away from the person and create physical distance.
- Seek help from a trusted adult or authority figure, such as a parent, teacher, or school counselor.
- Report the incident to a trusted adult who can take appropriate action.
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Teach them about secrets
Help your child understand the difference between good secrets (such as surprise parties) and bad secrets. Explain that if someone tells them to keep a touch or an incident a secret, it is important to disclose it to a trusted adult right away.
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Reassure them that it’s not their fault
Emphasize that if someone touches them inappropriately, it is never their fault. Reassure your child that they did the right thing by speaking up and seeking help.
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Seek professional help if needed
If your child discloses an incident of inappropriate touching, it is crucial to believe and support them. Consult with a professional, such as a counselor or therapist, who specializes in child abuse to ensure appropriate guidance and intervention.
By teaching your child what to do if someone touches them inappropriately, you are empowering them to protect themselves and seek help when needed. Regularly reinforce these concepts and remind them that their safety and well-being are your top priorities.
5. Don’t Rely On One Method
Kids are naturally curious to ask questions when you introduce them to any topic. And simply telling them the mugged-up definition will be purposeless in this case. Try to take the help of visuals, stories, and images to help them understand practically and easily, and most importantly, make sure that you don’t make the talk awkward for them. Be open to taking their doubts and make use of appropriate language, keeping their understanding in mind so that they comprehend everything.
Conclusion
Before venturing into such discussions, make sure that you go slowly and consistently. Your task won’t be done by elucidating once as the longitude to the topic will keep expanding as the child and their language vocabulary will grow. You would be required to revisit the topic to help them understand their safety every time. So, ensure that you build a bond filled with trust and that your child can approach and talk to you on facing any such situation.
