Wanted a fair, slim, and homely girl for 30-year-old Jain boy, read a description in a matrimonial classified ad. This ad made me go back to memory lane when my grandmother told me to stop playing that much as my physic was becoming more masculine and skin more tanned. She constantly asserted how important it was for me to look beautiful and fair or else I might get rejected for marriage. Well, this was just a glimpse of the society that surrounds us and wants us to live a certain way. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, but a little introspection at these societal expectations shows society’s archaic and shallow nature. The expectations are not associated with just one aspect of life but include multiple verticals and it will be worthwhile to ensure you don’t let society tell you how to live.
1. Body Shaming Practice
Society finds ways to declare how you are a misfit for them and that you need to alter yourself accordingly to fit in. You will always be petite, tall, too fair, too dark, obese, malnutrition, and whatnot, and how a little makeover will make you more desirable. Often, they leave no stone unturned to make you hate your body with their nasty comments. But don’t let society tell you how to live.
2. Marriage and Kids
The hunt for the perfect groom begins as soon as girls enter their early 20s. Societal pressure of marrying at the right age as the biological clock runs faster than the usual clock or that no one wants to attend an old bride’s wedding is a common phenomenon. That’s not the end. It’s a trap if you are told that get married, and you are sorted. Whether you have a successful marriage or not is determined by how soon you plan to extend your family. If you don’t give them the ‘good news’ soon, they will declare that there is nothing good in your marriage, that it is flawed, and guess who will be announced as the culprit? You.
3. Career vs Family
It’s sad, but for society, maintaining a balance between the two is a tough nut to crack, and it’s always career vs family, not career and society. It becomes a bit difficult for them to digest the fact that a woman can ace both work and family. Eventually, this is followed by making a woman guilty of being selfish, ambitious, and independent if she chooses to be self-sustainable.
4. Age-appropriate Clothes
The same people who advise you to be young at heart and quotes age is just a number are the ones who openly pass on derogatory comments on your attire if you follow your heart. From “You are a mother of two and in your 40s, just look what you wear” to “no wonder why guys stare at her in tight fitted clothes,” people don’t miss a single chance to pass on their unsolicited remarks.
5. Constant Judgements
While it’s not okay to judge a book by its cover but completely fine to judge a woman by their attire, coloured hair, piercings, torn jeans, tattoo, their choices, and what not. Society is great at providing such character certificates just by a single glance. But don’t blindly internalise what the society has to say. Don’t let society tell you how to live.
6. Compromise
Of all the other things, compromise is the word that sums up what society expects out of you, be it in career, life, home, or choosing a spouse. You need to be that good girl who is docile or a living puppet who is always in someone else’s control.
Recommended reading: Don’t Give Up on Your Dreams
To Conclude,
Well, the bottom line is that you can neither change society nor escape them, but what you can do is turn a deaf ear to them as and when required. What will make this process even easier to is understanding that at the end of the day, you are answerable to only yourself. So, own yourself with all the beauty along with the flaws and imperfections. And the next time if you feel bothered by it, recall the Hindi song, ‘kuch to log kahenge, logo ka kaam hai kehna’ (don’t let society tell you how to live), and try to be unaffected by them.
