And that was the day Drishti realized, even superheroes cry. Her dad was crying his heart out and seeing her dad like this had stunned her more than her grandpa’s death. The stigma that men can’t cry is so deeply ingrained that it comes as a shock when men sob. For ages, social inhibitions have made little boys narrow down their spectrum of emotions and man up. ‘Boys don’t cry,’ ‘stop behaving like a girl,’ ‘be a stoic,’ are used to inert certain emotions as those are regarded as signs of weakness or considered less masculine. What people fail to realize is that impeding certain emotions can have severe reverberations. So don’t restrict your son’s emotions.
1. The worst one
What happens if you keep on blowing air in a balloon beyond its capacity? It bursts. Men are no different. They keep on piling up emotions, and ultimately, there comes a saturation point after which they give up. In the US, according to CDC, suicide rates in men are four times higher than in women. The contemporary culture that values emotional toughness in men seize their opportunity to seek help. Worldwide, the number of men seeking therapy is far less than men experiencing emotional distress.
Recommended reading: 5 Things to Teach Your Boys
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2. Inability to manage emotions
Wouldn’t you go blank if I start conversing in an alien language. A similar scenario is witnessed when boys see anyone crying. For someone who is not allowed to feel that way, it becomes difficult to empathize. In worst cases, it even leads to unhealthy relationships. As a result, they don’t know how to exactly comprehend when others, mostly women, express themselves and react abruptly.
3. Addiction
Subjugation of emotions often invites certain addictions and mental health issues, including eating disorders, anxiety, drug abuse, alcoholism, etc. Initially, they start this as a distraction from sorrows but soon turn into a vicious cycle.
4. Behavioral changes
Reticent men get easily triggered and are usually aggressive. Boys are also taught that being aggressive is okay as it strongly affirms masculinity. In a study by Julia Dahl and colleagues from Penn State University in 2015, it was found that whenever masculinity was challenged, men reacted with more anger, which eventually asserts authoritarian attitudes.
Recommended reading: 5 Books To Help Your Child Understand Emotions
Recommended reading: 12 Effective Ways To Respond When Your Kids Complain
Psychologists say:
In the name of preparing for the tough world out there, teaching your sons to never feel weak is completely wrong. Feeling all sorts of emotions is a sign of healthy development. Teach them how to manage all the emotions instead of curbing some of them. Next time don’t taunt your son for crying; instead, encourage him that it’s completely normal. Crying is a panacea for a lot of diseases. It is known for its therapeutic role in soothing and healing both emotional and physical pain. Along with releasing oxytocin, endorphins, and stress-relieving hormones, crying also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps people to relax.
Toxic masculinity curtails fostering of emotional diversity in young boys. It’s heart-wrenching to see them questioning their self-worth on being vulnerable or seeking out help. Every human wants to be heard, and most of the time, emotions speak louder than words. So, don’t restrict your son’s emotions. Give your sons a fertile ground where they can cultivate healthy emotions.
