First, congratulations! You are going to bring a bundle of joy into this world!
As excited as you are, your child may have some questions about having a new sibling. And you might have some concerns about how to best prepare your child for this new addition to the family.
You need your older child to not only take it well but be a good older sibling too. But handling this situation can be a little tricky and nerve-wracking as kids can be unpredictable and a little difficult to reason with.
But don’t worry, I have got you covered. This detailed guide will help you from your pregnancy to bring your new baby home without affecting the older child.
Reactions you can expect from the older child
Your older child may feel a range of emotions when they find out you are pregnant. They may be happy and excited, or they may feel scared, jealous, or even angry. It is important prepare your first child for a new baby; to talk to your child about these emotions and let them know it is okay to feel however they feel.
Children react better when they are given information in small doses rather than all at once. So, start talking to them about what a baby is and what they will do in the womb. You can also use pictures or stories to help explain it to them.
But how you handle this depends on how old your child is as well.
How to prepare your first child for a new baby
A. Children younger than 2 years
If your child is less than a year old, they won’t have a grasp of what’s going on. Toddlers (age 1-2 years) are aware enough to sense that something is happening even though they might not grasp the full extent of it.
What’s good about the toddler phase is that they mirror us rather than have serious thoughts of consequences in their minds (I wonder how nice that would be!). So, you being excited about the new baby can rub off on them easily.
During pregnancy
Start by talking about the new baby and showing them baby pictures in books. You can also let them touch your tummy and feel the baby kick.
Instead of wondering what information you need to tell your toddler, wait for them to ask the questions. Give them some hints, but don’t bombard them with too much information at one time.
Childbirth and hospital situation
For toddlers, all you need to do is keep them engaged during the time you might not be around and are in hospital.
If your child has never been away from you when preparing your first child for a new baby, you must create a situation for them to develop a bond with a person who can take care of the toddler during childbirth. Let them spend some alone time so that the child doesn’t feel abandoned during that time.
After the baby is born
Once the baby is born, let your child see and touch the baby. Let them hold the baby and hug it. Talk about how the baby needs to be taken care of and how they can help.
It is important to reassure your toddler that they are loved and that they will always be your special little one. Try to spend some one-on-one time with them every day, even if it is just for a few minutes.
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B. Children between 2-4 years
By this age, your child understands things more clearly. They will ask questions about the baby and want to know more about what’s going on. At this stage, they know enough to feel threatened by a new baby in the family.
But do not worry, you can make sure things go smoothly by doing the following.
During pregnancy
Preschoolers (age 2-4 years) are clever enough to understand when things change. So, make sure you are the one breaking the news to them.
Start by talking about what a baby is and what it will do in the womb. You can also use pictures or stories to help explain it to them. Let them know that the new baby is coming to live with them and their family. Since they won’t have a proper sense of time, telling them when they can expect the new baby based on the season is better.
Be honest with what they can expect with the new baby. For example, let them know the baby will cry and need a lot of attention. But also tell them about all the good things, like how much fun it will be to watch the baby grow up.
Spend some time with just your preschooler every day. This will help them feel loved and special. And involve them in baby shopping.
Be patient with the milestones of potty training and moving your baby into their bed, as these can wait until after they’re born. They are already processing a lot of changes.
Childbirth and hospital situation
To prepare your first child for a new baby, explain to them what is going to happen at the time of childbirth. Not the medical part, but the part where you will go to the hospital and that they will stay with so-and-so. This will make sure that they aren’t taken by surprise.
Make sure somebody they know and trust will take care of them while you are gone. This could be a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a close family friend.
You can also prepare a special bag for them with their favorite things. This will help them feel comforted while you are away.
After the baby is born
When the baby comes home, make sure that the preschooler is involved in taking care of the baby. This will make them feel important and needed.
Encourage them to help with things like bathing the baby, changing diapers, or even just talking to the baby. And spend some time alone with your preschooler every day. This will help them feel loved and special.
When people come over to visit the baby, make sure the preschooler gets some attention too. Maybe even put together a special photo album or box of things just for them. This will help them feel proud and included.
They might feel left out during the breastfeeding phase. So, try to keep them occupied by getting new toys or books or enrolling them in special activities. This will help take their mind off things.
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C. School going children
At this stage, children can understand more about what is going on. There is a higher chance of kids of these ages being left out and jealous because of the attention the baby is getting.
As a result, they might act out or act like they can’t do basic things (like wearing clothes) to attract your attention. So, you need to be extra mindful of them.
During pregnancy
As these kids can understand more, explain to them in detail what is happening. Show examples of other kids with siblings and how fun it can be. Don’t oversell it, though; they might become suspicious.
Also, tell them about the not so good parts of having a baby at home. But always end it on a positive note. Just like preschoolers, you can involve school-going kids in getting the house ready for the new baby and the shopping. Maybe even make them the decision-maker!
Introduce being around a baby to them by taking them to your relatives or friends with a new baby to prepare your first child for a new baby. This will help them get used to the idea and not be scared when their sibling arrives.
Childbirth and hospital situation
At this age, your kid can go to the hospital after the baby is born. This will make them feel more included and grown-up. Of course, you need to prepare them for what they are going to see. But don’t scare them.
After the baby is born
While you are taking care of the baby, spend some time with your school-going child. This could be anything from eating dinner together to playing a game.
When people come over to visit the baby, make sure they talk to and play with the school-going child too. And if they are bringing gifts, insist that they get something for them too. This will help them feel important and part of the whole family.
Get them involved in taking care of the baby. This could be anything from feeding to bathing to just talking to the baby. And most importantly, don’t forget to praise them when they do a good job!
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Things to keep in mind
The transition from being a single child to having a sibling can be difficult for them. And it can be even more difficult for you to manage the needs of two children. So, remember the following things:
Be patient: This is a big change for both you and your child. So, it is important to be patient with them as they adjust to the new situation.
Encourage communication: Always encourage your child to communicate their feelings with you. This will help you understand them better and support them.
Watch your tone: You might be tired both during pregnancy and once the new baby arrives. But the kid doesn’t understand this and might connect this to the baby, which can cause resentment. So, try to keep a positive and soft tone even when the kid is acting out.
Get help: If you feel you are struggling to cope, don’t hesitate to ask for help from your partner, family, or friends.
Be understanding: Your child is going through a lot of changes, and they might not always act the way you want them to. So, try to be understanding of their feelings and behavior.
Create bonding moments: Spend some quality time with your school-going child every day. This will help them feel loved and important.
It’s okay to make mistakes: Parenting is not easy and you will make mistakes. But the important thing is to learn from them and try to do better next time.
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FAQs
What to do when a kid asks too many questions?
The number of details you need to give depends on the age of the kid. For a young child, you can keep it simple by saying something like “the baby is in mommy’s belly” and leaving it at that. If they continue to ask questions, try to answer them as best as you can without giving away too much information. For older kids, you can give them more information but make sure it is age-appropriate. And remember, you can always answer questions later if they ask again.
How do you get an older sibling to be nice to a younger sibling?
If your older child is being mean to their younger sibling, try to talk to them about it. To prepare your first child for a new baby, acknowledge their feelings by telling them it’s wrong to feel a certain way. Find out why they behave that way and see if there is anything you can do to help. Make sure you praise them when they are being good.
How do you make an only child feel special?
An only child can feel left out and jealous when a new baby is brought into the family. To make them feel special, try to include them in as many activities as possible. Spend some quality time with them every day. And remember, it’s okay to make mistakes. Parenting is not easy!
What should you do if your child fears the new baby?
If your child fears the new baby, try to talk to them about it. Encourage them to express their feelings and explain why they felt that way. Show them pictures of other kids with siblings and how fun it can be.
What is the oldest child syndrome?
The oldest child syndrome is when the oldest child in the family feels like they have to be perfect. They might feel like they have to take care of their younger siblings and be a role model for them. On one hand, this might help the kid perform better, but it can also cause stress and anxiety. When you prepare your first child for a new baby if you feel the latter happening, reassure your kid that everybody loves them no matter what and that it’s normal to make mistakes.
How can I prepare a teenager for a new sibling?
A teenager might feel like they are too old for a new sibling. They might feel like they have to take care of the baby and that their life will change. Try to talk to them about it and explain that things will not change that much. They can still hang out with their friends and do the things they love.
What can I do if the older child isn’t able to accept the new baby?
If you feel they are struggling too much, consider getting professional help. There might be something going on that is causing them to act this way, and they might need some external support to deal with it.
How to handle sibling rivalry?
Sibling rivalry is a common occurrence in families with over one child. Here are a few tips to help manage it:
- Encourage communication between your children. This will help them understand each other better.
- Make sure you spend some quality time with each of your children. This will help them feel loved and important.
- Praise them when they are being good to each other.
- Set some ground rules and make sure both children stick to them.
- Make sure there is a balance in the amount of love and attention each child gets. This will help reduce rivalry.
Saying goodbye to a single child and hello to a new sibling can be difficult. But with patience, communication and understanding, you can prepare your first child for a new baby and make the transition smoother for both of you.
