As moms, we know care. But self-care?
Who has time for that?
Especially when we’re juggling home, work and kid, there is barely any time left to breathe, let alone spend time on self-care.
But I have realised that this attitude of putting myself last is not only degrading to my health, but is setting a terrible example for my family as well. And when we keep putting ourselves last, our family also gets used to getting things done from us and not checking on us if we are fine.
We can’t blame our family because we make it look like that. ‘The mom is always there, taking care of them.’
This shouldn’t be the case! That’s why you should follow the ten self care ideas for working mothers given below. They aren’t self-care like spa time, but these are much more important and beneficial for your mental health and the overall wellbeing of the family.
1. Say bye-bye to mom-guilt.
Society likes to portray mothers as people who will sacrifice anything and everything for their families.
Can we please stop this nonsense?
It’s absolutely ridiculous that they hold us to such a high standard, and it’s sad that even if we know better, it sometimes gets to us.
Resuming work after having a child, for example, feels like we are abandoning our kids. The ‘mom-guilt’ shows up in many places and whispers in our ears that we aren’t doing enough.
Let’s say bye-bye to this mom-guilt, shall we?
Because being a mom doesn’t mean that you cease to be your person. We still have a life of our own – career, goals, hobbies, etc. And that part of us shouldn’t be sacrificed in the name of motherhood.
If you give it up, your kid will grow up seeing you only as a mom and not this amazing human being that you are! And that’s exactly why letting of of mom-guilt tops our list of self care ideas for working mothers.
2. Being “good enough” at home is more than enough!
If you’re like me, you’re probably trying to be the best at everything you do.
Isn’t that extremely stressful and exhausting, even though it might be rewarding sometimes?
Do you know what I have realized? The occasional rewards we get for striving that hard are not worth the stress we take up for being a perfectionist.
Spotless home – Check – Momentary satisfaction – The kid makes a mess within an hour.
Cooking an amazing healthy meal from scratch – Check – Momentary satisfaction when everyone is eating – It’s already time for the next meal.
Give your best on a project in the office – Check – Momentary satisfaction and appreciation – The next project is already on your table.
Do you see where I’m going?
It’s like this: Getting 90 out of 100 is pretty easy, and that’s good enough. But getting from 90 to 100 takes a lot of effort and rarely matters so much.
So, trust me. Good enough is usually more than enough.
3. Check your values.
While we can blame society a good amount for keeping such high standards for moms, in the end, it boils down to your own standards and values.
So, first, check in on what your values are.
Do you want to be a family-first person? Then try taking lesser responsibilities at work and maybe even skip some social events.
Are you a career-oriented woman? Simplify chores at home and ensure you spend quality time regularly with your kids, even if it’s a short time. Have routines.
You’ve to understand that you can’t prioritise everything. Start saying ‘no’ to things that don’t align with your values. It could be things like serving on the HOA board in your neighbourhood or helping your kid’s school with events.
If it doesn’t align with your values, it’s a no.
Now you will have more time and energy to contribute to things that matter to you.
4. You deserve forgiveness.
From yourself. Others? Don’t worry about them.
As much as we try to not get into the mom-guilt, sometimes we just can’t help it!
Say you take a break and visit your friends on an evening and leave your child with a caretaker. And you come back home to see that the kid is sick with a cold.
What happens?
You beat yourself up. First, there is the guilt of leaving the kid for selfish reasons, then comes shame, and then a voice in your head starts nagging at you, saying you’re a terrible mother.
I have heard many moms who get back to work and go through this cycle as well.
And it’s completely unnecessary. You can still make your choices when you are a mom (for whatever reason that makes sense to you). You cannot be present all the time for everyone, and it’s normal for kids to get hurt or sick every once in a while.
These are all realities we want to control, but we can’t. So, forgive yourself and stop trying to be a super mom.
5. There’s no shame in asking for help.
Sometimes we take pride in this, but I hate how much these kinds of images and messages glorify overworking ourselves!
A mother’s day wishes for us with this kind of portrayal melts our hearts. But actually, it should make us angry.
There is no counterpart of this for men, is there? Because it’s us who end up taking up all the household responsibilities and still strive to climb the career ladder.
The climb is 100 times harder with a load of child care and household chores pulling down at us.
So, don’t be ashamed for asking for help.
It might make you feel vulnerable in the beginning. You might feel like you’re bothering others. But trust me, many will happily give you a hand, and you’ll be able to return the favour easily.
Contact your neighbours, personal friends, parents of your children’s friends, your own parents, in-laws, the school’s aftercare programs, or carpool parents. Before you know it, no one will feel terrible about asking, and the connection will be mutual, with everyone benefiting.
Recommended reading: Breaking Stereotypes – Changing Gender Roles In Modern Society
6. Audit your social circle.
Who is there in your circle? Do those people motivate you or bring you down? Do you have anything in common with them anymore?
As we go through different stages of life, the circle we can maintain also changes.
Say you have a bachelor friend. She is all about partying and going out. Every time she calls you, it’s asking if you’re free for an outing.
If this makes you feel bad for saying no to her or irritates you, or gives you a bad dose of FOMO, then this relationship is not adding value to your life.
The same goes for any other person. If they bring in more headaches than happiness, you don’t have to make space for them in your life right now.
Cutting them off (as gently or like they deserve it) is the right thing to do, and you don’t have to feel bad about it even if they have the purest intention at heart.
7. While you’re at it, audit your social media too.
Do you really need to see those moms who have got it all and feel sorry for yourselves?
I realised I didn’t and unfollowed them all. I still remember the enormous sigh of relief I let out after that social media audit.
All the people that made me feel less or added to the ‘I want to be better’ burden I was already carrying were wiped off my feed. It was like a weight being lifted off me.
I highly recommend that you do this.
We put enough pressure on ourselves for everything. We don’t need random people on social media adding to it.
8. Time to set the judgemental people straight.
If I could have a dime for every time I heard a judgemental remark about me and my parenting style, I would be super rich right now!
Everyone seems to have an opinion on what and how you should do things, right?
It can be very hard trying to tackle judgemental people. They talk as if they know better, and sometimes we end up doubting ourselves because of it.
Everyone else is just figuring out things like we are. And it’s always easy to comment from the outside without knowing the complete picture. Also, what’s right for them might not be right for everyone.
So, don’t take it to your head even if they are saying things out of good intentions.
It’s completely okay to ignore them or even ask them to keep their opinions to themselves.
Your mental sanity is important and so dealing with judgemental people is on our list of self care ideas for working mothers.
9. Overcome your insecurities.
When you’re working, you spend less time with your baby. That might make us think about losing the bond with our baby and missing those key first time moments with them.
We are also constantly worried about our parenting methods. That’s why judgment from other people gets to us.
These are insecurities. And insecurities are normal; most of us have them. But we need to overcome them.
Why?
Because all our kids need is a reliable environment where they feel secure, loved and understood. And that doesn’t take 24/7.
What it takes is for you to be 100% present, even if you are spending only an hour or two with them. Focus on quality over quantity. And ensure that you are going into your child’s world and acknowledging their emotions even if it feels insignificant.
10. Invest in yourself.
I will not say ‘put yourself first’ over your baby. No!
As a mom, I know that’s never going to happen. But you need to put yourself at least second or third and invest in yourself.
We are like a machine. If we just keep working without doing some maintenance and getting some upgrades, we will eventually wear out.
So make the time, even if it’s half an hour a day. Spend time on your physical health. Learn and upskill regularly. And take time out to hone your creative abilities.
You will feel so much better about yourselves, and your kids will have a strong and multi-faceted mom to look up to for inspiration.
Recommended reading: 7 Highly Effective Tips for New Moms
To conclude,
So, self-care is not just for your personal benefit. Self-care helps every one of us to pause and recharge so that we show up for each other in a better shape and mind space.
Especially as a working mom juggling multiple things, you need to take time out and practice these self care ideas for working mothers to ensure you are well and not on the brink of burnout.
A happy and healthy you translates to a happy and healthy kid. The same goes for a fulfilling professional life as well.
