Do your child’s behaviours often feel inconvenient, challenging, and irrational?
Do you feel burnout and overworked managing your kids because they are not behaving the way you want them to?
If your answer is yes, it’s time to set realistic expectations that suit your child’s uniqueness and personality. The root cause of many ‘behavior’ problems with kids is simply adults having unrealistic expectations of children.
It’s important that, as parents, you accept your child for who they are and respect their thoughts and opinions. Failing to do this, you may end up with a child who turns into a teenager who cannot trust you. You can read up on the Eva Carlston reviews to learn about how to manage teenage behavior. Building the right foundation in your child’s early years is crucial and sustaining that momentum throughout their lives is vital!
Ways to setting expectations right
Scenario 1
Unrealistic expectation: Babies shouldn’t cry if they are fed, dry and not tired. They don’t need anything.
Reality: Infants cry for many different reasons. They cannot regulate their nervous system without the help of a regulated, attuned and available adult.
Your responsibility as parents: It is most supportive to respond to a baby’s cries and unlearn the conditioning that they’re crying ‘just to be held’. Feeling nurtured is a survival need of infancy.
Scenario 2
Unrealistic expectation: To stop toddler tantrums, you need an adult to show them who is the boss.
Reality: Parents who yell and slap kids to stop tantrums teach emotional repression. They do not teach children how to regulate their emotions. And children who don’t learn how to manage their emotions become adults who struggle with anger issues, anxiety, and excessive people-pleasing.
Your responsibility as parents: It’s most supportive to work on your emotional regulation needs and support children in finding adaptable ways to express their stress.
Scenario 3
Unrealistic expectation: Children 3-5 years old need to listen and follow directions of their parents the first time.
Reality: Children 3-5 years old require many prompts to be able to stop what they are doing and follow what their parents want them to do. Expecting immediate compliance from kids is like establishing patriarchal colonialism, which invariably affects the parent-child relationship.
Your responsibility as parents: It’s most supportive to find ways to collaborate with kids. The more you try to control them, the more you are disconnecting yourself from your child.
Scenario 4
Unrealistic expectation: Teens should be grateful for everything their parents do for them and never reject the parents or rebel against them.
Reality: In adolescence, teenagers are discovering who they are as individuals. They assert their vision for themselves. Because becoming ‘themselves’ is the primary task of their development stage right now.
Your responsibility as parents: It’s most supportive to create a safe, non-judgmental, curious environment where they can come to you to feel safe, heard, and soothed on their own terms. This essentially means that you need to put aside your ego and showing up for your teenager the way they need you to show up.
Bottom Line
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re in a constant battle with your child, let go of your ego and start unlearning the conditioning that you grew up with. Work on setting expectations right.
Did your parents have unrealistic expectations for you growing up? Share in the comments below.
