Strict parenting refers to a parenting style characterized by high expectations, rigid rules, and a strong emphasis on discipline and obedience. Parents who adopt a strict parenting approach typically have clear expectations for their children’s behavior, academic performance, and overall conduct. They often enforce rules strictly and may rely on punishments to ensure compliance. The underlying belief is that strict parenting instills discipline, respect, and success in children.
The question of whether strict parenting is inherently good or bad does not have a simple answer. To understand what’s wrong with strict parenting, it is important understand various factors, including the child’s temperament, the cultural context, and the specific implementation of strict parenting. Strict parenting can have some positive outcomes, such as promoting discipline and teaching respect for authority. However, it also carries potential negative consequences, such as decreased autonomy, strained parent-child relationships, and limited emotional support.
As strict parenting is a topic of interest and concern for many parents (considering the number of queries we received on strict parenting), it is crucial to provide clarity, dispel misconceptions, and offer insights into the potential effects and considerations associated with this approach. In this blog post, we will explore a range of frequently asked questions related to strict parenting.
1. What are the negative effects of strict parenting?
Most parents will argue that being strict is for the betterment of the child, however, this barely does anything good for the child.
One of the first and most prominent impacts of your strict parenting is the physical and emotional distance you create with your child. The child will think multiple times before reaching out to you when needed. Whether he will approach you or not will depend on how to treat them. In short, your strictness instils fear in a child instead of love and warmth.
Since you are not letting the child open up and express himself/herself openly, they will try to channel it in some other way. It is often observed that such kids become violent and bully other kids younger than them. It becomes their way to dominate others and exercise their power since they have been dominated in their household throughout their life.
Or they become the opposite of this. They become so meek that they never open up. Since all big and small decisions were taken by their parents, their decision-making skills get impaired. They turn into that submissive individual who blindly follows people and never realizes their potential.
Either way, strict parenting has some real downsides.
For a more in-depth exploration of the potential drawbacks of strict parenting, we invite readers to refer to our complete blog post titled “Everything That Is Wrong with Strict Parenting” available on our website. In that post, we delve into the negative consequences associated with strict parenting and provide a comprehensive understanding of its potential drawbacks.
2. What happens when a parent is too strict?
The most enormous and irreversible damage caused is in the parent-child relationship. It widens up the gap and as a result, it hardly leaves any room for open communication. The trust factor gets severely affected from the child’s side.
You can easily notice that such children will try to keep things away from their parents. They will not discuss their friends, choices, and other things unless asked by parents. That being said, strict parents often raise great liars.
While you might think that you are excelling in your parenting skills, you might be heading towards a major downfall.
3. How does strict parenting affect a child?
Parenting is the first and most critical factor responsible for shaping the personality of a child. And if you are a strict parent, you will sooner or later discover how badly it is affecting your child.
Your child might turn into an individual who starts feeling that they are incapable and worthless because all their lives you have been supervising every decision of their life, making them super dependent.
They hamper the overall individual growth of the child, both mental and behavioral. Strict parents often promote anxiety and depression in kids because they unknowingly feed them that they can’t afford to do anything wrong. When a child learns this subconsciously, they always perform under pressure and are constantly critical of the outcome.
Being raised by strict parents deteriorates the self-confidence and self-esteem of the child. They tend to feel insecure about their abilities and constantly doubt their potential. The fear of being judged daunts them and as a result, they try to remain aloof, thus becoming anti-social. Do you remember Ishaan Avasthi from the movie Taare Zameen Par? That is what happens when a parent becomes strict and fails to understand their child.
Such parents tend to cease the child’s capacity to evolve naturally through their own mistakes and inhibit their overall development.
Recommended reading: Does Stress and Pressure Toughen Your Child?
Recommended reading: Is Your Parenting Style Causing Aggression In Children?
4. Is it good to have strict parents?
Even the medicines that are supposed to save you can kill if you take an overdose. Strict parenting is no different. Yes, sometimes you need to be strict but how do you judge if it is justified or not?
It is fine if you are strict with your child being accountable for the decision that they make. For example, allow them to make decisions that will make them independent, but also keep a check on how well they are executing them.
While there are also such parents who tend to be strict considering their child’s behavior, even if they don’t intend to do so. For instance, if the child has no discipline and lacks any proper routine then it becomes important for a parent to step in and be a little strict.
So, as long as being a little strict has a positive impact, it can be acceptable. Being a parent who is authoritative with a combination of a little bit of strictness is still a thumbs up. On the contrary, a strict authoritarian parent can be a disaster.
5. Are strict parents toxic?
The word toxic is too extreme and is usually used to describe something life-threatening or very dangerous. You see, strict parents often have high expectations from their children and because of that they completely ignore the desires and interests of the child. When the repercussions of their behaviors cause extreme distress in children, it does become toxic. Strict parents by nature are not toxic, but certain behaviors there are.
Having said that, the line between strict parents and toxic parents is often blurred because of the similarities they have. For instance, both kinds of parents lack boundaries and tend to control their kid’s life. They often manipulate children to live their way and even abuse them.
It is also important to understand that there is a difference between the mindset of a strict parent and a toxic parent. The ultimate intent behind strict parents is to bring the best in the child. On the other hand, toxic parents are self-centered and not usually concerned about their kids.
While strict parents are critical of what you do, toxic parents are hypercritical and will lash out with detrimental comments.
Therefore, what makes strict parents toxic is their intensity of strictness and the way they navigate it with the child.
6. Are parents more strict with daughters?
Each child is raised differently, even if they belong to the same parents. The gap widens if one child is a boy and the other is a girl. No matter how progressive we become, there will always be a difference in the way girls are treated, both inside and outside their homes.
From the choice of outfits, the hours they spend outside the house, the kind of friends they have to their career choice, they are always given limited choices than the boys.
Some parents argue that they don’t create differences intentionally, the patriarchal society and their possessiveness towards their daughter make them do so.
A journal published by American Psychological Association, reveals that gender does affect how parents’ approach differs in upbringing a child. The data also suggests that parents are more biased towards boys than their daughters.
7. How do you tell if your parents are too strict?
Having parents who are not strict is next to impossible and a certain level of strictness is required as well. But it becomes toxic for a child if it exceeds a certain point. One can easily recognize if the parents are being over the top strict or if it is something that is required.
- They are control freaks who decide each and everything for you. From when you have to wake up, where you are allowed to go, what friends group you can hang out with, a career that you should opt for, etc.
- They have imposed a lot of restrictions on a child’s life.
- They have certain rulebooks or guidelines that the child is supposed to adhere to.
- They never welcome your suggestions or opinions as according to them you are naïve and do nothing.
- They have zero tolerance and cannot bear any sort of silliness.
These are some of the commonly shared traits of overly strict parents.
8. How do you talk to strict parents?
Since the first thing that gets affected when you have strict parents is the lack of communication, so you should focus on reducing that first.
Start by spending some time together. Just chilling in the same room or casually hanging out together. Give them company while going for normal shopping, etc. Next, start with a normal day-to-day conversation about everyday stuff or something you have in common. This could be a sport that you both enjoy or any other hobby.
This was for those who barely interact with their parents. Then some are on good talking terms and want to know how to have a conversation without pissing them off.
Find a suitable time so that you are not interrupted by anything. Now the thumb rule that will help you here is that you need to understand that their intent is always good. So, be it any problem that you want to discuss or anything that you wish to share, they will guide you.
Strike the conversation in a way like, ‘Mom/Dad, I was thinking about this thing and am quite confused. What will be your take on this?’ This will give them an idea that you have put effort into something and now you are stuck and needs a bit of guidance.
Whatever the situation is, you need to realize that the challenge lies in how you navigate the conversation and the rest will follow.
9. How do you rebel against strict parents?
While rebelling is one of the natural outcomes when someone is denied from doing things that they wish. The same urge to rebel is felt when you have strict parents. But they are not your enemy. So, let’s not call this a rebel but you attempt to make your strict parents a little less strict by understanding you.
- Have the courage to speak and express yourself, and make sure that you are not being disrespectful while doing so.
- Most of the time, they are being protective, so it’s better to show them that you can pull that off. Build trust and show that you are competent. This won’t happen all of a sudden in one day. If you don’t do a thing at home and expect them to trust you living alone if you want to move out, that’s not going to happen. But if you start helping with house chores and show your capabilities through your actions then maybe things will change.
- Have clarity in the conversations you make. You can ask them what is stopping them from allowing you to do what you want. Or you can simply ask them what would it take to allow you to do that thing.
- Most importantly, don’t give up. While you are trying to convince them, give them your reasons. Have patience and sooner or later there are high chances that they will listen and support you.
Also, remember that do not be too hard for parents without knowing their part of the story. Maybe they are trying their best too.
10. Does strict parenting lead to success?
It completely depends on what success means to you. While being strict can bring academic success and some other temporary achievements, in the long run, it messes up with the overall development of the child.
In the survey conducted by YouGov, it was found that being fairly strict can be beneficial for the child, but when taken beyond a certain level, then it can backfire.
Being moderately strict can help your child in inculcating discipline and making them responsible, but being overly strict can cause severe mental and emotional strain as well.
11. Does strict parenting lead to rebellion?
Yes, rebellion is children’s way of dealing with your strictness and asserting their authority and identity.
When parents put a blanket of rules with the justification, ‘because I said so’, it results in children feeling trapped in their home. And to overcome that they usually become rebellious.
Now this rebellion can be seen in multiple forms. Sometimes children will not do things that they would generally do, just to show that they are upset. Mostly the rebellion is accompanied by anger and frustration. They would argue back and are most likely to misbehave.
For instance, today one of the common things they do is that they stop eating if you are too strict with their screen time.
The point is, that strictness and harsh rules are most likely to make agitate kids.
12. Do strict parents cause low self-esteem?
Children are like a blank slate. The parents can shape their identity and how they feel about themselves by writing something good on that blank slate. The caregiver’s characteristic way of looking at the children becomes the way they consider themselves.
Now if you are constantly being harsh with your child, criticizing them for not being good enough to do a certain thing, etc., then it is very obvious that they will end up thinking that about themselves. Criticism is never easy to take, especially for little children. Complications with self-esteem develop when the child has not been given the emotional support a love that they require while they are growing up.
Children who are raised in such strict and emotionally neglected environments often doubt their abilities. The absence of guidance and encouragement is what leads them to undermine themselves and their self-worth.
13. Do strict parents raise liars?
Lying is a defense mechanism that children develop to escape their strict parents and their reprimands.
Having seen the trouble, they can get into if they become honest, children with strict parents often turn out to be the best liars. When parents cannot tolerate their child scoring low in exams and tend to punish them for that, the child will automatically hunt for ways to escape you and your punishment. Maybe they’ll lie about the marks, or that the marks aren’t declared, or will start cheating to score good marks. You never know!
This is just one of the common lies, but the list can go on and on.
Instead, if you had handled things gently and calmly, and allowed them to open up without any fear of punishment or criticism, they are less likely to lie.
14. Can strict parents cause depression?
Just like the above effects of that include, lying, rebelling, lower self-esteem, lack of social skills, etc., depression and mental health issues are also major aftermath of a strict lifestyle that children get surrounded with.
Since the children are constantly under pressure to perform well and are not expected to commit any mistakes, they live under the pressure of doing their best, even if they have no interest in that thing. The stress to live up to the parent’s expectations becomes one of the root causes of depression.
The stress of underperforming by putting parents’ feelings first and neglecting one’s own makes the situation even tougher. Since such parents never really listen and are judgmental, children find no point in being vulnerable to them.
Conclusion: Strict Parenting – Frequently Asked Questions Answered
It is essential to remember that parenting is a complex and individualized process, and what works for one family may not work for another. Understanding the characteristics and potential effects of strict parenting can help parents make informed choices and adapt their parenting approach to meet their children’s unique needs and promote their overall well-being.
