Daughter: “Did you hear that? Eminem is indeed GOAT.”
Mom: “Wait, what? A goat? No mom, I mean Greatest Of All Time. You are such a boomer. You never really get what I say in one go.”
This can be just another day with the same story if you have a conversation with someone having a generation gap.
What Is Generation Gap?
In simple terms, a generation gap can be referred to contrast in attitude, thoughts, behavior, and choices between people who belong to two different age groups. And how is a certain age group defined? Well, if 2 individuals have a gap of roughly 18-20 years, then you can say that they belong to two different generations. Boomers, millennials, gen z, etc. are a few names given to people belonging to generations who share vast differences in perspectives on almost everything.
A torn jeans for a teenager today could be fashionable, while the same jeans would mean that a person is too broke to afford a new pair. Similarly, a lot of things like piercing and getting a tattoo might be all cool, fun, and no big deal, but can create havoc for others in the family. Expressing yourself and putting forth your wishes and opinions might make you disrespectful in front of your elders, no matter how right you are. Depression, mental health issues, and anxiety might be something unreal for boomers.
These are some of the day-to-day instances, where one can easily spot the gap. Thanks to the advent of technology, this gap has only grown wider and deeper.
And it’s not only your household that is facing this, but the entire world experiences this gap.
Why Do We Need To Understand The Generation Gap?
Decoding the generation gap becomes supremely important if you wish to live in a conflict-free environment. It could be your home, workplace, or any other gathering in general.
How can you conquer anything without understanding that, right? Before even understanding this, it’s important to identify where is that gap coming from, and the extent of damage it can bring if that gap is not filed.
Since parents are a lot more experienced, they often channel their experience into molding their children a certain way. The effort that should be put into being more considerate and accepting, is often used in being rigid and resistant to change, something that becomes the bone of contention.
Understanding the generation gap helps in its easy acceptance. It’s something that is inevitable and every generation will experience this sooner or later. To ensure that the generation gap doesn’t change into generation war, you need to find tangible solutions to live with it.
How Do You Handle Generation Gap?
1. Don’t play the “I am your parent” card.
Often parents say, I have seen more years than you, so listen to me. Please understand that it is not about years. It is about the present day. It is about being relevant and keeping up with the current day pace of the world. By this, I don’t mean that you have to start doing what people of these generations are doing. But understand them. Accept them. Your parent’s worldview is different from yours. Your parent’s perspective is different from yours. This is what is called the generation gap.
2. Drop that ‘I know it all attitude’:
Yes, the experience that the older generation brings is unparallel, but sometimes the younger generation supersedes the experience with their expertise. In such situations, it’s best to keep your ego aside and welcome the knowledge. This is especially for all the parents and grandparents. While fighting over such things, you will miss out on a lot of things that this new generation has to offer. So use it as an opportunity to learn something new.
3. Drop your unrealistic expectations
‘Ye aaj kal ke bacche bhi na’. A typical Indian phrase that almost every kid hates and there is a reason for that. Parents tend to set up high expectations from their children. Understand that they will inherit your genes, not your ideology, lifestyle of point of view. So, resist yourself from saying ‘hamare zamane to aaisa hota tha’ time and again. Even you had different approach from your won parents while growing up.
If boomers start expecting their children to stay away from technology, aren’t they putting their careers at stake? Think about it. In today’s tech-savvy world, the one who has command over technology is always given preference. The entire world is going digital, and in such a situation is it wise to ask or expect your child to be alienated from this? Definitely not. Of course, you should regulate their tech usage as a child, but don’t expect to live without the internet like you used to.
Similarly, the younger generation has their own set of expectations
4. Look back at your young age.
Think about your parents. Think about any points where you disagreed with your parents, and your parents always thought they were right, but you haven’t followed what they said because you felt that their perspective does not fit in the contemporary world. Or their perspective is not a practical solution. The world had changed. My friends will laugh at me. Understand that the same thing is happening with your children today. Just like you wished that you could make your parents understand your viewpoint, your child also expects the same.
If you are a 70s, 80s, or an early 90s child, you will relate with this that most of us used to listen to what our parents said, and any deviations you have made would be most likely after you grew up in your late teens, in 20s. But today’s kids are more expressive and opinionated. One reason for this is wide availability of information. When our parents said something but we thought otherwise, we didn’t have enough information around us to validate what we thought was right, and we returned to listen to what our parents said because they played the parent card or experience card. But today information is everywhere. Thanks to digitization and the internet. Validation is super quick, and children are confident. So they speak their minds more often and at a much younger age than you would have done.
5. Now switch to the present day when you are grown up.
If your parents accept and understand you and let you live your life, you feel happy. Because your parents understand you, you are lucky that you can talk to your parents freely and share what’s going on in your life, share your perspectives without being judged. But if your parents fail to accept the generation gap, never really get you and think that the way you live your life is wrong or they don’t understand your worldview, you start connecting less with your parents; you stop having free conversations with your parents. The life in the conversations die. The conversations only become exchange of factual information, and you stop sharing your thoughts. You take recourse to a sister, brother, friend to do the heart-to-heart talk with someone who understands you. The same is true for the relation between you and your children.
Recommended reading: 12 Positive Parenting Strategies For Millennial Parents
Recommended reading: How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex: An Age-by-age Guide
How To Do It ‘Right’ With Your Kids?
So if you want your child to do something which will lead to their good, don’t tell them I am saying so do it and then you will get the desired result. Tell them directly what they are supposed to do and the outcome. And if they don’t do these, what will be the undesired outcome. Let them understand this by applying their worldview. The world has changed. Our parent’s approach to parenting won’t work today. Authoritative parenting is something of the past. Today you need to understand the generation gap and have a participative approach to develop the bond with your children.
1. Get a bit involved in the younger generation’s life.
The elder generation should consider themselves lucky as they can witness the changes in the present generation. Hence, they should use that to their advantage. If you have stories to pass on to kids, then they too have a lot to offer when it comes to technology, evolving social media, trends, etc.
How to do that? The mantra is pretty simple. Talk less listen more, especially the current that has a lot to say, express, and wants to be heard. This way you can easily be a part of their cult and get to know them in a better way.
A lot of parents also try to be connected with their kids through social media. But again, don’t cross boundaries and be that over-intruding parent. Just maintain a healthy distance and you’ll be good to go to avoid any inter-generational conflicts.
2. Always justify your reasons.
You must have heard of the saying, by the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he is wrong. As a parent it’s not that practical to wait until then, but what you can do is try to explain the reason and intention behind what you say.
The older generation will have endless concerns that the younger generation might argue to be baseless. For example, the younger generation not wanting to go for a conventional career and pursue their dream career becomes hard to digest for their parents or grandparents. In such cases, both parties must talk about where that decision is coming from.
Parents tend to drift towards conventional careers because of job security or the societal image, whereas the younger generation wants to explore and experiment. Have enough interaction.
Be open to all sorts of communication so that you reach a meaningful result.
3. Accept the generational gap and become more tolerant
Start with accepting the fact that the generation gap will be there and it’s better to accept differences and move forward with a positive approach. The elder generation being more mature and tolerant should take the initial step of coming forward to understand the perspective of the younger generation, than expecting them to be more agreeable.
Instead of questioning them and their decisions, hear them out. Discuss in and out anything that you find can cause conflict and be open to accepting changes.
So next time, if you find a kid greeting you, hey uncle what’s up! instead of touching your feet or greeting with folded hands, don’t be upset. It’s not their fault you see.
Recommended reading: Best Parenting Advice I Have Ever Received
Recommended reading: 7 Parenting Mistakes That Can Cause Childhood Trauma
FAQs on Generation Gap
1. Does The Generation Gap Impact The Parent-Child Relationship?
Lack of understanding is all you need to ruin a good relationship. And that’s what a generation gap can do if both generations are stubborn and are not willing to understand the other one.
Let me give you a common example. If you see the career aspects of this generation, they are more leaned towards start-ups, making something in digital space, makeup artist, designer, interior decorator, etc. that made no sense make in the 80s or 90s. Since these choices didn’t exist back in those days, it is obvious that parents will hesitate to approve such unconventional choices and that often leads to conflicts. The scene in the movie, ‘3 Idiots’, where Farhan, one of the characters expresses his desire to be a wildlife photographer, pretty much sums up the entire concept.
The generation gap never works in favor if the thoughts of parent and child are poles apart. While the parents might dislike the idea of becoming slaves to technology, children today can’t imagine a minute without their phones and gadgets.
These are trivial things but affect the parent-child relationship. The gap gives rise to physical and emotional distance between parent and child. The child even begins to feel lonely as he/she may not find anyone to support him.
So, the next time, you find your child saying, ‘mom/dad, you never understand me’, take this as a warning sign that something needs to be done.
2. Does The Generation Gap Affect Families?
Again, there are two sides to the generation gap. Either you can benefit from it or allow it to backfire and ruin your relationships in the family. Let’s see both situations.
You will find some parents or even grandparents who are quite open to accepting changes and are super supportive. They are always eager to learn about day-to-day advancements and are interactive with their kids and grandkids. In such situations, it’s a win-win for both. Since the bonding is so smooth and strong, the gap is healthy. The elders pass on their learnings and the younger generation shows them what trending and what are innovations being done.
Whereas the other side can be a bit disturbing, where both the generations are rigid and non-accepting of the differences. There is a constant ego clash and no one is ready to take a step back and resolve issues. While the children want parents to be more progressive and adapt to their needs, parents tend to be firm on their ideologies.
Conclusion: Generation Gap
Your children are not your clones, so don’t expect them to have some choices, ideas, and preferences. If you want to fill the gap, stop perceiving it as a gap and consider it as an intersection point of different generations. For the older generation, take a step forward in understating your children and for all the children, it’s okay to take a few steps back so that both of you meet somewhere in the middle.
