Mumma, What’s Rape? How To Talk To Children About Rape?

“How do I talk to my child about rape?” This is a question many parents have. Although it may be difficult for you, the best thing you can do for your child is start this conversation with them. 

Because let’s face it, as much as we want the world to be a safe haven for our kids, it’s not. According to 2020 crime reports by the government, an average of 77 rape cases were reported every day and it is increasing perpetrated by people known to the victim. We also keep seeing news after news of children being rape victims.

As their parents, you can’t protect them from the bad things that might happen. The only thing you can do is prepare them to deal with these situations and talk to your child about rape.

How To Talk To Children About Rape?

1. Start with ‘Good Touch Bad Touch’.

The answer to the question “Mumma, what’s rape?” depends on the age of your kid. For a young children, you might use the concept of good touch and bad touch and say that rape is a bad touch that makes you feel uncomfortable. If they are preteens, you could talk to your child about sex and how some people do it forcibly.

By 4-5 years of age, your kid should be able to understand that some people might try to touch them in a place where they don’t want to be touched. Starting at this age, you can tell them about the different kinds of touches, who might try to touch them, and how they can protect themselves.

Sadly, most culprits are usually someone they know, not strangers who jump out in dark alleys. For example, they might have an uncle or an older family friend who constantly tries to get them alone and touches them inappropriately. Tell your child that if someone they know (or don’t know) does this, they can tell you about it so you can protect them from the touches in the future.

2. Talk about basic self-defense.

When to start teaching your child about self-defense depends on the strength of their body. If they are strong enough, teach them basic punches and kicks to hurt those who try to hurt them. Shout and run is the best defense when other people are in the vicinity.

If you can find a gym or dojo where they can take these self-defense classes, sign them up if they want to learn self-defense. 

Even if your child does not know how to kick or punch, they should know how to hurt someone using their hands and feet. Teach them basic body movements like elbowing, kneeling, biting and slapping so they can try to fight back when needed. 

3. Build Confidence.

Don’t be afraid to answer any questions that they may ask. Building confidence has an important role in protecting your child from sexual abuse.

It is important to make sure your child knows that you are willing to answer any questions that they may have about rape or sexual assault. This will tell them that it’s okay for them to come to you if something happens.

Most of the time, these topics can’t be covered in one stretch (it’s actually better not to). So, prepare yourself to have a series of conversations about this subject matter. You should already have an idea about what you are going to talk to your child about before the time comes. This will ease both your mind and theirs because you will be well-prepared to answer any questions they might have.

4. Let them know it’s not their fault.

Make sure to tell your child that rape and sexual assault is not their fault. This will help relieve some of the stress they might feel, and it will also give them the confidence to know that nothing they do could possibly provoke the attack.

Teach your child about consent. Start by explaining to your child that consent means getting permission from someone before touching them or engaging in any physical activity. Teach them that it is essential to respect other people’s personal space and boundaries. Encourage them to ask for consent and wait for a clear “yes” before engaging in any physical contact, even if it is a simple hug or a high-five.

You can also tell how violation of private space is very bad and how they can be put in jails for that. This will give your child an idea that this is a bigger issue than just themselves, and there are repercussions for people who commit this crime.

5. Create a safe space.

Your child might not want to talk at first, and that’s okay. Sometimes things like this can be hard to discuss, and you should just let them know that they don’t have to if they would rather not. If your child decides that they want to talk about it with you, you should listen carefully and be sure to check in with them.

You should also make sure that your child knows they can come and talk to you about anything, no matter how big or small it is. And make sure that you never ignore any accusations they come up with, thinking that kids are exaggerating or have misunderstood. 

General Tips for Talking To Your Child about Rape

1. Talk about your values

Start the conversation by clearly stating your values and beliefs about sexual assault. Make it clear that such behaviors are never acceptable, emphasize the importance of reporting them, and highlight that victims are never at fault.

2. Talk about trust

Discuss the concept of trust and help your child understand that even someone they like or trust may pressure them into unwanted sexual activities. Teach them that it is acceptable to remove themselves from such situations and emphasize the importance of their personal boundaries.

3. Being empathetic

Help your child develop empathy by discussing how the victim might have felt in the situation. Explore the power dynamics involved and discuss the impact of a senior or elder person abusing their position of authority.

4. Use language about finding “help” for someone who assaults a child

When discussing child sexual assault, emphasize the importance of seeking help for the perpetrator rather than focusing solely on punishment. This approach acknowledges the complexity of relationships and helps children understand that intervention is necessary for the well-being of both parties.

5. Use role play

Practice future behaviors. Engage your child in hypothetical scenarios and ask them how they would respond if a friend disclosed experiencing sexual assault. Encourage them to consider speaking up or seeking help from parents or teacher. Reinforce that their actions should prioritize the victim’s safety and well-being.

6. Watch your own language

Be mindful of the language you use when discussing rape and sexual assault. Avoid victim-blaming statements and ensure your child hears a clear message that assault is never the victim’s fault. Reflect on your own judgments and attitudes towards victims to prevent negative beliefs from influencing your child’s perception.

7. Keep the door open for further conversations

Assure your child that discussions about sexual assault are ongoing and that they can always come to you with questions or concerns. Establish an open and supportive environment that encourages dialogue on this sensitive topic.

By employing these tips, you can engage in constructive and age-appropriate conversations about rape with your child. Promoting empathy, prevention, and open communication will help them develop a better understanding of consent, boundaries, and the importance of standing against sexual assault.

Conclusion: How To Talk To Children About Rape?

Rape and sexual assault is a difficult topic for both the parent and child to talk about. But open discussions are the first step in preparing our kids. Don’t overthink and do it when the opportunity is right.