Every parent wants to be a “good parent”, but what does that even mean?
Does it mean that you put your child first in every situation? Do you make sure they always get what they want? Or does it mean being a great disciplinarian, so your children are incredibly well-behaved? Are you an authority figure or a friend?
The fact is, it’s impossible to define the perfect parent. Children have different needs, and all we can do is our best.
However, there are some guidelines that can help you to be a better parent. Let’s face it, nobody’s perfect. The chances are that your parents made mistakes and so will you. But you can keep trying, and it’s always worth the effort.
Parenthood is one of those subjects that can cover multiple books, let alone an article. So here we’ll just focus on how you can be an approachable parent.
What Is Approachability?
What does it mean to be approachable?
The dictionary definition of approachable is to be “friendly and easy to talk to”, which is relatively self-explanatory. When someone is approachable, you actively want to talk to them.
On the other hand, if someone is unapproachable, talking to them is difficult. People can be unapproachable for a variety of reasons. If you find someone intimidating, it will be much more difficult to speak openly to them. The same applies if you think that someone isn’t interested in what you have to say or, even worse, you feel as though they will use what you say against you.
In any case, you know whether someone in your life is approachable or not. If you feel comfortable around them and willing to talk about anything, then they’re approachable. Parents should do their best to be this approachable figure for their children.
Why Does It Matter?
There are many different styles of parenting and it’s hard to say exactly what’s right or wrong. After all, as we’ve established, children are different and respond differently to certain situations and types of parents. You might find that, if you have more than one child, you have to find a way to parent them both differently without treating them unfairly.
Yes, this parenting stuff is tricky.
With this in mind, it doesn’t really matter what kind of parent you are as long as you have certain qualities. One of these, you won’t be surprised to hear, is approachability.
But why?
The first and most important reason is that you want to keep your children safe. Like it or not, your kids are likely to get into some trouble as they grow up. Hopefully, it won’t be anything major, but it’s always important that your children feel as though they can turn to you for help.
Young children will naturally come to their parents for help, but older children and teenagers might want to be more independent and will be more likely to go to their friends. This is especially true if they feel as though they can’t talk to you for whatever reason.
Maybe they feel that you won’t be able to help. Or worse, they might be more concerned about getting into trouble or disappointing you than dealing with their problem in the right way. They might instead seek the guidance of other, less reputable people and get into further issues.
But if you’re approachable and encourage conversation with your children from a young age, they are more likely to come to you for help and advice. This is especially true if you’ve helped them in the past.
There are other reasons to be approachable, of course. If your children find you easy to talk to, you will be able to maintain a much better relationship with them as they get older. This is a blessing for you and your kids alike.
You can also help them through emotional issues and, if you do need to offer guidance, they will be more likely to listen to your advice.
This can stop them from getting into trouble in the first place. But as long as they know that you’re always there for them and that they are loved, you’ve succeeded in one major aspect of being a parent.
Recommended reading: 5 Ways To Say NO To Your Child Without Actually Saying No
Recommended reading: Don’t Overprotect Your Children
Friend or Parent?
One of the hardest things to balance as a parent, especially when it comes to being approachable, is your role as a friend or a parent in your child’s life.
Being an authority figure can be difficult, and some parents find it easier to have a more relaxed attitude around their child. Now, we aren’t here to tell you how strict to be with your children, but it is important to have some boundaries.
So, let’s talk about discipline.
First, we’ll tackle one of the biggest misconceptions about discipline. The word doesn’t necessarily mean to punish, although many people take it that way. Instead, discipline means to teach. If you think about it, a martial artist is skilled in their discipline. A disciple learns.
When you discipline your child, you aren’t just punishing them because you’re angry, or at least you shouldn’t be. You’re teaching them and providing boundaries.
What does this have to do with approachability?
Well, being an authority figure in your child’s life can actually make you more approachable. Obviously, if you’re constantly berating your child over every little thing, they won’t want to talk to you about anything for fear of getting into trouble.
But if you set healthy boundaries as a parent and teach your child how to behave, they will see you as someone who can help them with their problems.
On the other hand, if you don’t set any boundaries, your child might feel ignored and neglected. They might not respect you as a parent, especially if you don’t allow them to face any consequences in life. Some children even feel as though they are more competent than their parents, so can’t trust them to help with any problems.
Another thing to consider is the fact that your relationship with your child is bound to change as they get older. You wouldn’t treat a teenager in the same way as you would a toddler. You have to constantly reevaluate your role as a friend or parent in their lives.
How to Become More Approachable Parent
So, how can you as a parent become more approachable to your children?
Appropriate discipline is one way, but it has to be balanced. Your only interactions with your children shouldn’t be constant telling off, or even constant lectures and advice.
How do you make friends with anyone? What draws you to people?
Simply put, time and effort are the best ways to be more approachable to your children. As well as talking to them about the important stuff and guiding them in life, talk to them about, well, everything else.
Share with them before they’re willing to share with you. No, this doesn’t mean to use your child as an in-house therapist, but talk to them about your life and things that interest you. Let them see you as a person as well as a parent.
Even more importantly, listen when they talk to you. Sometimes the trials and tribulations of a child don’t seem as important as the responsibilities of an adult, but remember when you were a kid. Even a crush at school could seem like the end of the world. Small problems are huge when you’re a child and a teenager, and you shouldn’t simply brush them aside.
If your child has tried to talk to you in the past and you’ve ignored them, or worse, laughed at them, why would they come to you about anything else?
You should also spend time doing fun things with your child and relax with them. Even something as laid-back and simple as being in the same room, doing different things, can help you to build a quiet and comfortable relationship. Play games like fruit merging with them, so that even when they’re younger, they know that you value your time with them.
If you have hobbies, like gardening or playing a sport, introduce that hobby to your child. This isn’t to say that you should push your hobbies onto an uninterested child, but let them make their own choice.
As well as this, pay attention to your child’s hobbies. Even if they aren’t interested in the same things as you are, you can still make the effort to learn about their interests and encourage them. This allows them to feel valued and, even better, you can continue to keep them safe.
If you feel your relationship with your child drifting or changing as they age, don’t panic. It’s normal for teenagers to shift away from their parents. However, you should still put in the effort without making your child feel stifled and forced to spend time with you. Carve out time at the weekend and do what you can to maintain your connection.
Then, when they need you, your children will know that they can rely on you.
